- Caroline Ingalls: Well, if the items were wrong, and I don't know that they were...
- Harriet Oleson: Wrong? Well, of course they were wrong!
- Caroline Ingalls: Then you can always print a retraction. Put it right on the front page. Don't stick it way in the back. Something to the effect of, um... "Contrary to published reports, Harriet Oleson does not have false teeth and does not wear a wig."
- Albert Quinn Ingalls: You know, I think we ought to check this type again.
- Laura Ingalls: There's nothing wrong with it. Besides, Pa said we can't.
- Albert Quinn Ingalls: I know what he said. But I thought we might change it a little bit, if you get my meaning.
- Laura Ingalls: I get it. Oh boy, do I get it!
- Harriet Oleson: [reading from the newspaper] "We have it from a very reliable source that Harriet Oleson's hair is not all her own, and neither are her teeth."
- Charles Ingalls: In Reverand Alden's absence, I guess I was a little nervous this morning. I forgot my Bible. Mr Schiller was kind enough to lend me his. The text I have chosen for this morning is Exodus Chapter 20, Verse 16. I think it only fitting that the outstanding citizen of Walnut Grove read that text for us this morning. Mrs Oleson? Would you mind?
- [Mrs Oleson stands and walks up to the podium]
- Charles Ingalls: Exodus 20:16.
- Harriet Oleson: Yes.
- [Looks strangely at the Bible]
- Harriet Oleson: I can't read this.
- Charles Ingalls: Why? Are you illiterate?
- Harriet Oleson: But of course not. It's written in some kind of foreign... . gibberish.
- Charles Ingalls: It's not gibberish. It's German.
- Harriet Oleson: Well because I can't read German doesn't make ME illiterate.
- Charles Ingalls: I agree with you. And by the same token, I think you'll agree with me that not being able to read English doesn't make Mr and Mrs Schiller illiterate either.