- Clark Kent: Mayson likes me, Clark, but she hates Superman. Which is kinda confusing because Lois loves Superman but only likes Clark. Mayson likes Clark, but in a different way than Lois, and Mayson hates Superman in a way that's different from anybody.
- Martha Kent: Oh, Clark, I've been afraid something like this was going to happen.
- Clark Kent: What?
- Martha Kent: You're beginning to talk about yourself in the third person.
- Jonathan Kent: Martha, the boy has two gorgeous women running after him. This does not rate high on the list of world problems.
- Clark Kent: That's true, but let's not forget that Mayson may be an agent of Intergang.
- Jonathan Kent: Well, nobody's perfect, son.
- Clark Kent: I have to go.
- Lois Lane: Where?
- Clark Kent: You guys stay here, it won't take long.
- Lois Lane: What won't take long?
- Clark Kent: The thing that I have to do, in the place that I'll be back from in just one second.
- [runs out of the room]
- Mayson Drake: Does he do that a lot?
- Lois Lane: Constantly.
- Perry White: Superman, did you just save me from something?
- Superman: Yeah.
- Perry White: Do I wanna know about it?
- Superman: No.
- Lois Lane: Careful, that sounds like the bug that bit me. Still hurts.
- [Clark catches the bug]
- Lois Lane: Nice get!
- Clark Kent: I'm gonna go let it out the window.
- Lois Lane: What all of a sudden, you're a Buddhist?
- Perry White: [referring to Jimmy's girlfriend] Well, son, can I meet her?
- Jimmy Olsen: Oh, sure, chief. Just hop a plane to Switzerland. That's where her new boyfriend lives. The one who cheered her up while I was ignoring her.
- Perry White: Jimmy, you know what a man needs at a time like this?
- Jimmy Olsen: A baseball bat and an alibi?
- Clark Kent: You know, if anyone's blind around here, it's you!
- Lois Lane: What's that supposed to mean?
- Mayson Drake: [to Clark about Superman] Oh look, I know he's a friend of yours, and no one can deny he's done a lot of really good things, but you're ten times the man he is! I mean, you're an ordinary guy, you're getting ready to stand up to this huge criminal organization. That takes guts. I'd like to see Superman try that without his cape on.
- Clark Kent: It was one of those things that sounded good at the time, but once I got in the elevator, I didn't know what it meant.
- Martha Kent: Freud would say, " It's a subconscious desire in search of a context." And Jung would dismiss it as an anger induced synaptic anomaly.
- Jonathan Kent: Adult education. It's a beautiful thing.
- Perry White: [while dancing] I must warn you. I dip suddenly and I dip deeply.
- Lois Lane: [laughing] I'll stay alert.
- Clark Kent: I shouldn't have lost my temper.
- Lois Lane: Well, you're entitled to. I lose mine once every...what?
- Clark Kent: Three, four minutes.
- Silhouette Cop: [after remaining in shadows for their whole conversation] You didn't say if you liked my new mustache.
- Bill Church: New item we're thinking of carrying in the stores. The Swing King. Guaranteed to improve your putting for 49 bucks.
- [misses his put]
- Bill Church: Well, 39.
- Martin Snell: Your Honor, it's clear to me that the voice on that recording is that of an actor hired to impersonate me.
- Judge: Really? I'd love to hear his Brando.
- Perry White: I neglected to tell you that love is most like a big casino: flashing lights, free drinks, Wayne Newton.
- Mayson Drake: I'd like to see if you're willing to testify against Baby Rage.
- Baby Rage: [yelling while struggling with two cops] I'm not telling you nothing unless I see my lawyer.
- Clark Kent: Baby Rage? I wonder why they call him that.
- Clark Kent: I shouldn't have lost my temper.
- Lois Lane: Well, you're entitled to. I lose mine once every... what?
- Clark Kent: Three, four minutes.
- Martin Snell: Face it, you've got your little red shorts caught in a bad combo of high tech and close friends. Even you can't be in two places at once - but our bullets can. So... where does that leave us?
- Superman: Let's ask the D.A.
- Martin Snell: Oh sure, you can take me in. You're Superman, and I'm just a guy from Paramus.
- [Superman looks puzzled]
- Martin Snell: New Jersey.
- Superman: [fighting with a gang while disguised as a cop] You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say, can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided to you. Do you understand these rights as I have just explained them to you?
- [criminal groans]
- Mike Lane: Officer, that sounds like a yes.
- Superman: I'm gonna go call for...uh...
- Mike Lane: Back-up?
- Martin Snell: The plan's just gone online. You say "Go" and everything's in play.
- Bill Church: So go already!