- Col. Sherman T. Potter: [tearfully accepts Radar's gift of a horse, then slips on something]
- Maj. Frank Burns: That's disgusting!
- Col. Sherman T. Potter: Son, to me that's a tip-toe through the tulips.
- [big smile]
- Maj. Frank Burns: You do carve?
- Cho: I show you.
- [presents a piece of lumber]
- Cho: Used to be round.
- Maj. Frank Burns: Looks like a 2 by 4.
- Cho: Thank you.
- [Describing Frank and Hot Lips in a letter to his wife]
- Col. Potter: She's the head nurse. He's the head twerp.
- Cho: [Frank and Hot Lips want a wooden bust of Colonel Potter carved] Hmm. Lotsa work. Two assistants. Electric light at night. Overtime. Hmm. Six bucks.
- Maj. Frank Burns: [unsure] Well...
- Maj. Margaret "Hot Lips" Houlihan: Frank, These people have no espect-ray unless you aggle-hay over the ice-pray.
- Maj. Frank Burns: Five dollars.
- Cho: Seven-fifty.
- Maj. Frank Burns: Sold!
- Maj. Margaret "Hot Lips" Houlihan: [glares at Frank] Umb-day!
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce: [after watching Radar gently approach and lasso the wild horse] If only I could do that with nurses.
- Maj. Frank Burns: Just traipsing in. Suppose I'd been engaged in some top-secret hush-hush confidential activity, huh?
- Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly: Oh I'd peek first to see if Major Houlihan was here, sir.
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce: You know anything about horses?
- B.J.: I stepped in some manure once.
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce: You're in charge.
- Col. Sherman T. Potter: Are you married, Radar?
- Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly: No sir. I'm just a kid.
- Col. Sherman T. Potter: When you get back home, you ought to find yourself a nice girl.
- Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly: Oh first I want to get a '46 Chevy.
- Col. Sherman T. Potter: I've had 27 wonderful years with Mrs. Potter
- Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly: Yes sir.
- Col. Sherman T. Potter: Can't get that kind of mileage out of a Chevy.
- Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly: Oh I never ride the clutch, sir.
- Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly: These sirs are doctors, sir. Maybe they can save it. Come on, I'll go with ya. Would youse, huh? Please, pretty please>
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce: You get the feeling we're in a Lassie movie?