M*A*S*H (TV Series)
The Abduction of Margaret Houlihan (1976)
Mike Farrell: Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt
Photos
Quotes
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Colonel Flagg : You were insanely jealous of her engagement. You were furious at being rejected. You were capable of murder!
Hawkeye : That's right! So you hit her over the head with a blunt instrument.
B.J. : A saxophone.
Hawkeye : Then you hypnotized her and told her she was Johnny Ray.
B.J. : Then you performed plastic surgery on her, made her look like Johnny.
Hawkeye : The rest is obvious. You stuck her in a trunk, you mailed her to Las Vegas, and now she's doing two shows a night at The Sands.
B.J. : Three on Saturdays.
Colonel Flagg : There's only one flaw in that theory.
Hawkeye : Only one?
Colonel Flagg : They don't do three shows a night on Saturday at The Sands.
Hawkeye : How do you know?
Colonel Flagg : I was a showgirl for six weeks.
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Capt. B.J. Hunnicut : I've been sitting here a long time and now I'd like to say something.
Colonel Flagg : What is it?
Capt. B.J. Hunnicut : Good bye.
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Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce : What happened?
Capt. B.J. Hunnicut : Hopalong Ferret Face just shot me in the leg!
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Colonel Flagg : I have no home. I am the wind.
Hawkeye : [to BJ] I told you he was the wind. You said he was the stars.
B.J. : No, I said he was the moon.
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Colonel Flagg : If you don't close your eyes, I won't leave.
[everyone closes and covers their eyes]
Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce : Bye!
Capt. B.J. Hunnicut : See ya!
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Colonel Flagg : If it weren't for war you wouldn't know what peace is.
B.J. : He's got a point there.
Hawkeye : Yeah, it's under his hat.
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Maj. Frank Burns : I'm going out into the jungle to hunt for Margaret.
B.J. : I understand she's game.
Maj. Frank Burns : Don't be a smarty-pants. She's probably been abducted by Chinese heathens. They have her hanging upside down by her feet from a bamboo tree... doing unspeakable things to her.
B.J. : Speak a few.
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Colonel Flagg : Where's Houlihan?
B.J. : I think it's near Dublin.
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Colonel Flagg : [enquiring about the bullet wound in Cape Hunnicut's leg] What happened to your leg?
B.J. : Cut myself shaving.