- Maxwell Klinger: Gentlemen, I've just had a stroke of genius.
- Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce: Please keep us in suspense.
- Maxwell Klinger: A calf lottery. I'll sell a hundred chances at a buck apiece. Whoever guesses the time of birth will win 50 bucks which means I'll also win 50 no matter when it's born.
- Captain B.J. Hunnicut: Klinger, it may not be genius but I definitely think you've had a stroke.