- Hal: Dewey, want to go with me to take the old couch to the dump?
- Dewey: No, I wanna watch cartoons.
- Hal: [in amazement] Are you kidding? We're talking about the *city dump*. Mountains of smoldering garbage as far as you can see. Swarms of flies that block out the sun.
- Dewey: [getting very interested] Really?
- Hal: Last time I was there, I saw a forty-pound seagull carry off a dog in its beak!
- Dewey: *Wow!*
- Malcolm: [the family, and community, have been evacuated to the school gym] What are you doing with toilet paper?
- Reese: I got my hands on some canned fruit, I traded those for batteries, the batteries for DVDs, and I swapped those with the janitor for the school's entire supply of toilet paper. Once the 'specially seasoned' meatloaf works its magic, I can name my price.
- Malcolm: Y'know, that's not only unbelievably evil, but you actually put some thought and effort into it. I'm impressed.
- Reese: I guess when people are miserable and suffering, it brings out the best in me. Thanks for noticing.