- Kelly: Daddy, what's wrong with Buck?
- Al: Well, now kids, come here. I never thought I'd be having this conversation, because frankly I didn't think I'd still be alive on this, my 40,000th anniversary... but it's time we all face facts: Buck's getting old.
- Kelly: Is he gonna die?
- Al: [looking at the bill] Yes.
- Al: Listen kids, I need to find that necklace. If I can't find that necklace, then I can't give it to your mother. And if I can't give it to your mother, then I gotta "give it" to your mother. And if I have to "give it" to your mother... I'm gonna give it to you!
- Al: But much like a 'roid, they come back with a vengeance. That's one thing I learned from my first 800 years of marriage.
- Jefferson: Diamond necklace?
- Al: All part of my master plan to avoid having sex with the wife. See, first I take her to Denny's. She stuffs herself so full of popcorn shrimp, she lists to one side. And just before she's ready to belch "I love you," I lay this on her. Between the combination of shrimp, necklace - and the NyQuil Mickey I'll be slipping in her piña colada - she'll be unconscious, I'll be home watching midget wrestling, and the only hand down my pants will be my own.
- Buck the Dog: ['girl' dog Phoebe asks if he still remembers her] Of course! I didn't recognize your face! I so rarely see that end of you!
- [last lines]
- Buck the Dog: ['girl' dog, whom he had forgotten, runs up the stairs in front of him] Ah! Phoebe! Now I remember!
- [looks back at the camera]
- Buck the Dog: And they call me senile!
- [follows his doggy paramour up the stairs]