Married... with Children (TV Series)
976-SHOE (1989)
Ed O'Neill: Al Bundy
Photos
Quotes
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Peggy Bundy : Hi, honey, how was your day?
Al Bundy : Hey, I came home. How good could it have been?
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Steve Rhoades : Get lost, Al, it's the president.
Al Bundy : [shakes hands with bank president] I voted for you.
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Al Bundy : Milwaukee, Milwaukee, Milwaukee, that's the town they built around your mother, isn't it, Peg?
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Al Bundy : Ed McMahon says I may owe HIM $10 million?
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Al Bundy : Hey, Steve, I'm glad I caught you. I need a loan. See, I'm gonna buy my own toll line. Yeah, it'll be great. People will pay two bucks a pop just to talk to me. Now I know what you're thinking, that this is just another sex line. Well it isn't, this is something I know something about.
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Al Bundy : [looking at the phone bill] What about these three pages of toll calls to the Heavy Metal hotline?
[Peggy and Bud look at Kelly]
Kelly Bundy : [looks away, then back at Al] Oh, then, that must have been me, Dad, but I was saving you money.
Al Bundy : How did you do that, pumpkin?
Kelly Bundy : Well, because they said that it's $3.00 for the first minute and 50 cents for each additional minute, so rather than get charged extra, I'd hang up after a minute and then call back.
[Al looks down, holding his head in his hands]
Peggy Bundy : Well, at least she's trying, Al.
Al Bundy : [looks at everyone] Oh, God!
[Al puts his head back down again]
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Al Bundy : Hello, It's Dr. Shoe again. I've made several pleas and nobody cares, so let's cut the crap and get to it. I want to introduce you to some people. This is Mrs. Shoe
[Peggy waves]
Al Bundy : , my daughter, Kelly Shoe
[Kelly pulls her hair over her face to hide]
Al Bundy : , my son, Bud Shoe
[Bud waves while keeping his head down to hide]
Al Bundy : , and Buck, the Shoe Dog
[Buck looks away in shame]
Al Bundy : . We're starving. Could you please call? You don't have to talk to me, just hang up. It's charity, for God's sake. Kids, you don't even need your parents' permission.
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Marcy Rhoades : [to Steve] You loaned this man $50,000? That's $1,000 an IQ point. And I can't blame Al. A man gives a gun to a chimp and the chimp shoots someone, you don't blame the chimp.
Al Bundy : Hey! That was a hidden dig at me, wasn't it?
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Al Bundy : So you haven't lost any more respect for me?
Peggy Bundy : Oh, now, that would be impossible, wouldn't it, kids?
[Bud and Kelly nod]
Peggy Bundy : I mean, honey, you lost $100,000. How many men who earn less than a fry cook can say they lost $100,000?
Bud Bundy : Fry cook? Dad makes less than the newspaper boy.
Kelly Bundy : A street mime.
Peggy Bundy : The guy who scrapes dead animals off the highway.
[Al gets up and leaves]
Bud Bundy : A lab animal.
Kelly Bundy : A circus geek.
Peggy Bundy : A barnacle scraper.
Bud Bundy : A professional miniature golfer.
Kelly Bundy : A qualified teacher.
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Peggy Bundy : Honey, no one is stupid enough to call a shoe hotline.
Al Bundy : Oh, yeah? Well, everyone in high school said "No one was stupid enough to marry the big redhead", but someone was, wasn't he?