Married... with Children (TV Series)

976-SHOE (1989)

Ed O'Neill: Al Bundy

Photos 

Quotes 

• Peggy Bundy : Hi, honey, how was your day?

  Al Bundy : Hey, I came home. How good could it have been?

• Steve Rhoades : Get lost, Al, it's the president.

  Al Bundy : [shakes hands with bank president]  I voted for you.

• Al Bundy : Milwaukee, Milwaukee, Milwaukee, that's the town they built around your mother, isn't it, Peg?

• Al Bundy : Ed McMahon says I may owe HIM $10 million?

• Al Bundy : Ah, the phone bill.

  [looks it over] 

  Al Bundy : Hey, we qualify for the gold bill!

• Al Bundy : Hey, Steve, I'm glad I caught you. I need a loan. See, I'm gonna buy my own toll line. Yeah, it'll be great. People will pay two bucks a pop just to talk to me. Now I know what you're thinking, that this is just another sex line. Well it isn't, this is something I know something about.

• Al Bundy : [looking at the phone bill]  What about these three pages of toll calls to the Heavy Metal hotline?

  [Peggy and Bud look at Kelly] 

  Kelly Bundy : [looks away, then back at Al]  Oh, then, that must have been me, Dad, but I was saving you money.

  Al Bundy : How did you do that, pumpkin?

  Kelly Bundy : Well, because they said that it's $3.00 for the first minute and 50 cents for each additional minute, so rather than get charged extra, I'd hang up after a minute and then call back.

  [Al looks down, holding his head in his hands] 

  Peggy Bundy : Well, at least she's trying, Al.

  Al Bundy : [looks at everyone]  Oh, God!

  [Al puts his head back down again] 

• Al Bundy : Hello, It's Dr. Shoe again. I've made several pleas and nobody cares, so let's cut the crap and get to it. I want to introduce you to some people. This is Mrs. Shoe

  [Peggy waves] 

  Al Bundy : , my daughter, Kelly Shoe

  [Kelly pulls her hair over her face to hide] 

  Al Bundy : , my son, Bud Shoe

  [Bud waves while keeping his head down to hide] 

  Al Bundy : , and Buck, the Shoe Dog

  [Buck looks away in shame] 

  Al Bundy : . We're starving. Could you please call? You don't have to talk to me, just hang up. It's charity, for God's sake. Kids, you don't even need your parents' permission.

• Al Bundy : Who called the "Lust Line"?

  [Peggy and Kelly look at Bud] 

  Bud Bundy : It's not what you think, Dad. It's... It's just naked girls talking dirty to me on the phone.

  Al Bundy : Well, that's okay, then.

• Marcy Rhoades : [to Steve]  You loaned this man $50,000? That's $1,000 an IQ point. And I can't blame Al. A man gives a gun to a chimp and the chimp shoots someone, you don't blame the chimp.

  Al Bundy : Hey! That was a hidden dig at me, wasn't it?

• Al Bundy : So you haven't lost any more respect for me?

  Peggy Bundy : Oh, now, that would be impossible, wouldn't it, kids?

  [Bud and Kelly nod] 

  Peggy Bundy : I mean, honey, you lost $100,000. How many men who earn less than a fry cook can say they lost $100,000?

  Bud Bundy : Fry cook? Dad makes less than the newspaper boy.

  Kelly Bundy : A street mime.

  Peggy Bundy : The guy who scrapes dead animals off the highway.

  [Al gets up and leaves] 

  Bud Bundy : A lab animal.

  Kelly Bundy : A circus geek.

  Peggy Bundy : A barnacle scraper.

  Bud Bundy : A professional miniature golfer.

  Kelly Bundy : A qualified teacher.

• Peggy Bundy : Honey, no one is stupid enough to call a shoe hotline.

  Al Bundy : Oh, yeah? Well, everyone in high school said "No one was stupid enough to marry the big redhead", but someone was, wasn't he?

• Bud Bundy : Oh, hey, Dad, uh, Mrs. Donnelly called and she said her slipper won't fit over her bunion and she wants to know what she should do.

  Al Bundy : Start walking on all fours the way God intended her to.