- Al Bundy: [to Marcy as she's holding a cornucopia] Why don't you take your shriveled-up gourds on out of here? And your cornucopia, too.
- Old Man: Can I help you folks?
- Al Bundy: Yeah, I need to find Aunt Maddie. Do you know where she is?
- Old Man: Oh, she's down at the church, son.
- Al Bundy: Where's that?
- Old Man: Now, you go down to the end of the block and you make a right. Go past the barber shop and you take your first right. Go another block, make another right, then one more right, and it's on your right.
- Al Bundy: Well, wouldn't it be easier just to cross the street?
- Old Man: Sure, but I need a ride to the barber shop.
- Kelly Bundy: I'm sorry, Hank. I really want to keep you but it's not safe here. I'm gonna have to set you free.
- [Hank gobbles]
- Kelly Bundy: Oh, me, too! I'll never forget you!
- [picks Hank up and prepares to give the turkey a boost out through the window]
- Kelly Bundy: Fly away, Hank! Fly like the wind!
- [throws the turkey out and watches as Hank falls to its death]
- Kelly Bundy: I MEANT FLY *UP*, HANK!
- Marcy D'Arcy: Peggy, aren't you going to cook a turkey for your family this Thanksgiving?
- Peggy Bundy: You expect me to cook on a holiday? Homemaking is a job, too, you know.
- Al Bundy: Why don't you apply for it, Peg?
- Bud Bundy: [finds out that Kelly is running a pair of scissors through one of Bud's pants trying to make a pair for her pet turkey Hank] Kelly, what are you doing? These are my pants!
- Kelly Bundy: I know, but you and Hank are about the same size.
- James Brown: Wait a minute. Don't tell me you're Al Bundy.
- Al Bundy: Yeah. Did she talk about me?
- James Brown: Oh, my goodness, all the time. As a matter of fact, I'm where I am today because of you.
- Al Bundy: Really?
- James Brown: Yeah, I can hear her now. She used to always say, "James, do your homework, or you'll wind up like Al Bundy!"
- Peggy Bundy: [after several failed attempts to trick Kelly into giving over Hank the turkey] Oh, this is ridiculous. Kelly, look, I know you love Hank, so I'm gonna say this as gently as possible. We're gonna cut that bird's head off, stuff his butt full of bread and eat him.
- Peggy Bundy: [as Kelly mourns the death of Hank the turkey] Honey, it was an accident.
- Marcy D'Arcy: Right.
- Jefferson D'Arcy: It wasn't your fault.
- Boy: [the doorbell rings, Budd opens to the door to find a kid] Hi. Mr. McGinty told me you found my turkey. Where is he?
- [a look of doom spreads across Budd's face as he turns to the others]
- Peggy Bundy, Marcy D'Arcy, Jefferson D'Arcy: [pointing accusingly at Kelly] She killed him!
- Peggy Bundy: [last scene, Al is hesitant about sharing his sweet potato pie from Aunt Maddie with his family] Al, I think Aunt Maddie would want you to share.
- Al Bundy: Peg, the only thing I'm sharing is this Thanksgiving wish for all of you: get out.
- [suddenly, he hears a familiar voice]
- Aunt Maddie: Al Bundy.
- [Al looks around to find the source]
- Aunt Maddie: Down here, boy.
- [he looks down at the pie box with Aunt Maddie's portrait on it]
- Al Bundy: [stunned] Aunt Maddie?
- Aunt Maddie: [talks to him right through the box] Al Bundy, what did I always say?
- Al Bundy: "If you want that cookie, you gotta pay for it?"
- Aunt Maddie: No, the other thing.
- Al Bundy: "My pies are always sweeter when you share 'em?"
- Aunt Maddie: Right! Now you share that pie with your family and friends. Don't make me hit you upside the head!
- [Aunt Maddie repositions herself back to the same stance as before in the picture]
- Peggy Bundy: [Peggy, Kelly, Marcy, Jefferson, Budd and Griff all look at him pleadingly] Come on, Al. It's Thanksgiving. Share with us!
- Al Bundy: [selfishly] No.
- [turns to eat the pie and feels a slap behind the back of his head]
- Al Bundy: OH!
- Aunt Maddie: [outraged] Al Bundy!
- Al Bundy: [with some hesitance he finally succumbs] Okay.
- [turns to the others]
- Al Bundy: Anybody wanna share my pie?
- [everyone happily join Al standing around the pie]
- Aunt Maddie: [proudly] Good boy.
- Al Bundy: [thinking the last lines of the episode as he cuts the first piece of pie] Happy Thanksgiving, Aunt Maddie.
- [first lines]
- Al Bundy: You know, Peg, I hate to be a needy husband, a demanding husband, *your* husband... but where the hell is my Thanksgiving pie tin?