Married... with Children (TV Series)

Al Bundy, Shoe Dick (1991)

John Randolph: Colonel Van Pelt

Photos 

Quotes 

• Colonel Van Pelt : All right, all you vultures, fruits and vegetables. Now comes the moment you always wanted. You're all expecting to learn to which one of you I will bequeath my favorite diamond that I brought back from Egypt over 50 years ago, the Pharoah's Eye.

  Bruce Van Pelt : Oh, beloved Uncle. We don't care about the diamond or any of your wealth. We want you to live forever.

  Colonel Van Pelt : Nice set of lips to reach my heiny, Bruce. Your brown-nosing doesn't work for me anymore.

• Al : Oh, boy. That's a good one, Colonel Sanders. You haven't given up on your wit in your old age.

  Colonel Van Pelt : Who are you?

  Al : I'm your worst nightmare. A shoe man with a badge.

  Colonel Van Pelt : No, my worst nightmare is a hooker with cold hands.