- Kelly Bundy: Get me some bread, Daddy.
- Al Bundy: I'm just waiting to hear something...
- [thunderclap]
- Al Bundy: Now I can go.
- Kelly Bundy: Daddy, you're so funny. I love you. Do you love me?
- Al Bundy: Love, hate. Look, we're a family, what's the difference?
- Al Bundy: [Al is dreaming] Why don't you two just fight over me right here on the bed while I watch and take pictures. And the winner gets to have me first... and third, and fifth. You may begin.
- [Yvonne and Yvette wrestle on the bed]
- Al Bundy: Girls, there's not enough hair whipping around.
- Yvonne: Al, this is really no fun unless you join us.
- Yvette: Yes, please join us.
- Al Bundy: Well okay. Here comes Daddy.
- [bell rings and Al wakes up diving into an empty bed]
- Al Bundy: [singing along with the Psycho Dad theme song] Who's that riding in the sun?/Who's the man with the itchy gun?/Who's the man who kills for fun?/Psycho Dad, Psycho Dad, Psycho Dad/ Quick with a gun, but he loves his son/ Killed his wife 'cause she weighed a ton/ Psycho Dad
- Peggy Bundy: So are you really sick? You're not just trying to get out of going to see my mother?
- Al Bundy: Well, Peg, that hurts. You know how much I love that huge, fat woman.