"Married... with Children" And Bingo Was Her Game-O (TV Episode 1995) - Ted McGinley as Jefferson D'Arcy

Jefferson : Our first beer is a Turkish dark beer from Asia Minor. It is made from agave and bladderwort.

[Al and all the men take a sip, and violently spit it out]
Jefferson : Al, when are we going to stop sipping this beer and start drinking it?

Griff : Yeah, all this beer foreplay is making me thirsty.

Ike : What's foreplay?

Bob Rooney : It's the act that comes right before sex. It lasts... about ten seconds.

Ike : Well then what's sex?
Al Bundy : [drunk] Hey, Jefferson... I got a bad feeling.

Jefferson : [also drunk] Al, you drank about 40 beers. It's a wonder you can feel anything at all.

Al Bundy : No, I could have sworn that I was supposed to do something at nine o'clock. Uh... what time is it now?

Jefferson : [looks at his wristwatch] It's 10:15.

Al Bundy : Oh... well, whatever it is that I'm supposed to do... I guess I already did it.
Jefferson : Okay, our next beer is a fine Afghani ale, whose Pashtu name loosely translated means, "yellow mountain run-off".

Bob Rooney : [a jingling sound is heard from inside the beer cans] Oh, hey listen. There's a prize in every can.

Griff : I'd be careful about that prize stuff. Remember what fell out of that can of Russian Chernobyl beer?

Ike : What? That was an olive, right?

Al Bundy : Sure, with an eyelid.
Jefferson : [on TV, Yoko Ono is the new spokes human for Girly Girl beer] Ah, it wasn't enough breaking up the Beatles. Now she's ruined our beer.

Ted McGinley: Jefferson D'Arcy