Married... with Children (TV Series)

Bud Hits the Books (1996)

David Faustino: Bud Bundy

Photos 

Quotes 

• Bud Bundy : I was caught having sex in the school library.

  Al Bundy : All right-o! That's my boy!

  [shakes Bud's hand] 

  Al Bundy : Who's the lucky girl?

  Bud Bundy : You're shaking her.

• Bud Bundy : I was set up. I direct the attention of the court to Miss Hardaway who has had a crush on me for years. In fact, at this very moment she's thinking about what I must look like under my clothes.

  Miss Hardaway : That is a tight little lie. I-I mean a little white lie.

• Bob Packwood : [on TV]  This is Senator Packwood live from the Big 'Uns Olympics. The officials are on the field measuring. It's a new world record. 72.5 inches. She's won the gold!

  Al Bundy : Yes! Yes! I knew she had what it takes.

  Bud Bundy : What event is it, long jump?

  Al Bundy : No, they're just measuring her chest.

• Bud Bundy : By the way, do you have a poster of yourself I can hang up over my desk?

  Miss Hardaway : Well, I don't have a poster of myself, but I was featured in this magazine.

  Bud Bundy : Library'Uns?

  Miss Hardaway : I'm the centerfold.

• Miss Hardaway : Bud Bundy, how do you plead?

  Bud Bundy : Absolutely 100% not guilty.

• [Bud has covered a poster of a sexy woman with a picture of Barbara Bush. Al then comes downstairs] 

  Al Bundy : Bud...

  [notices the poster] 

  Al Bundy : Aah! What the hell is that?

  Bud Bundy : Dad, I'm trying to study.

  Al Bundy : What? Why presidents marry ugly?

• Miss Hardaway : I've read every book on loving in this library. I could do things to him he's never even dreamed of.

  Bud Bundy : Really?

  [picks up the crumpled piece of paper with her phone number] 

• Bud Bundy : Now you know the rules. For each wrong answer, you must remove one piece of clothing.

  Ariel : Gee, if I'd known the rules, I would have worn underwear.

  Bud Bundy : Okay. Who was the first president of the United States?

  Ariel : George Washington?

  Bud Bundy : Wrong.

  Ariel : Gosh, Bud. I'm not that smart. I can't figure out why you'd want to study with me.

  Bud Bundy : Well, you make every subject come to life.

• Bud Bundy : How did you guys know Ariel was here?

  Kelly Bundy : Well, for once, the cries of "Oh, Bud. Oh, Bud" wasn't just you throwing your voice.

• Bud Bundy : Will you leave her alone? The girl just had the best sex of her life.

  Ariel : I didn't say it was the best. I said you did your best.

• Al Bundy : Bud, uh, come here a second, son. You're, uh... You're gonna do the right thing about this girl now, aren't you?

  Bud Bundy : You mean marry her?

  Al Bundy : No! I mean never call her again.

• Bud Bundy : Look, Ariel, I really need to get my grades up, all right? So, uh, until finals are over, I'm swearing off sex.

  Ariel : That's a good idea. I'm going to get my grades up too.

  Bud Bundy : So you'll swear off sex also?

  Ariel : No, I'm gonna sleep with all my teachers.

• Bud Bundy : Dad, I'm not gonna be able to study with you guys sitting there watching bimbo TV.

  Al Bundy : They're not bimbos, they're hooteracious Americans.