"Married... with Children" Bud Hits the Books (TV Episode 1996) - Beverly Archer as Miss Hardaway

Bud Bundy : I was set up. I direct the attention of the court to Miss Hardaway who has had a crush on me for years. In fact, at this very moment she's thinking about what I must look like under my clothes.

Miss Hardaway : That is a tight little lie. I-I mean a little white lie.
Bud Bundy : By the way, do you have a poster of yourself I can hang up over my desk?

Miss Hardaway : Well, I don't have a poster of myself, but I was featured in this magazine.

Bud Bundy : Library'Uns?

Miss Hardaway : I'm the centerfold.
Miss Hardaway : Bud Bundy, how do you plead?

Bud Bundy : Absolutely 100% not guilty.
Miss Hardaway : All right, I confess. I am in love with Bud Bundy. Whenever he comes into the library, I turn the heat up so he'll have to strip down to his tank top. When he returns a book late, I always hope he'll say, "I've been a bad boy, Miss Hardaway. Spank me hard."

Marcy D'Arcy : The court will excuse me if I heave?
Miss Hardaway : I've read every book on loving in this library. I could do things to him he's never even dreamed of.

Bud Bundy : Really?

[picks up the crumpled piece of paper with her phone number]
Miss Hardaway : We will now try the case of Trumaine College vs. Bud Bundy. We have convened here at the scene of the crime.

Dean : Um, you're, uh, not going to recreate it, are you?

Miss Hardaway : No, that was not my intention, Dean Marquand, but I cannot speak for Mr. Bundy. Perhaps he should be handcuffed during these proceedings.

Beverly Archer: Miss Hardaway