Married... with Children (TV Series)

Bud Hits the Books (1996)

Ed O'Neill: Al Bundy

Photos 

Quotes 

• Bud Bundy : I was caught having sex in the school library.

  Al Bundy : All right-o! That's my boy!

  [shakes Bud's hand] 

  Al Bundy : Who's the lucky girl?

  Bud Bundy : You're shaking her.

• Bob Packwood : [on TV]  This is Senator Packwood live from the Big 'Uns Olympics. The officials are on the field measuring. It's a new world record. 72.5 inches. She's won the gold!

  Al Bundy : Yes! Yes! I knew she had what it takes.

  Bud Bundy : What event is it, long jump?

  Al Bundy : No, they're just measuring her chest.

• [Bud has covered a poster of a sexy woman with a picture of Barbara Bush. Al then comes downstairs] 

  Al Bundy : Bud...

  [notices the poster] 

  Al Bundy : Aah! What the hell is that?

  Bud Bundy : Dad, I'm trying to study.

  Al Bundy : What? Why presidents marry ugly?

• Al Bundy : That's my boy! Congratulations, son! Your first sleepover date.

  Griff : And with a girl too.

• Al Bundy : Bud, uh, come here a second, son. You're, uh... You're gonna do the right thing about this girl now, aren't you?

  Bud Bundy : You mean marry her?

  Al Bundy : No! I mean never call her again.

• Bud Bundy : Dad, I'm not gonna be able to study with you guys sitting there watching bimbo TV.

  Al Bundy : They're not bimbos, they're hooteracious Americans.

• Griff : Yeah, it was really nice of Bud to let us watch the Big 'Uns Extreme Games in his room. By the way, where is your son?

  Al Bundy : I have no son.

  Jefferson D'Arcy : Haven't you heard? Bud was caught in the Trumaine library doing what will soon be referred to as, uh, The Bundy.

  Al Bundy : Try to raise a kid with values and decency... Oh, look, Big 'Uns freefall!

  [Al and his friends look at their TV closer] 

  Al Bundy : You don't need a parachute when you've got 'Uns.

  Griff : Enough to make you want to do The Bundy.

• Ike : And I did "The Bundy" at the Ice Capades.

  Jefferson D'Arcy : During my driving test.

  Griff : Watching "Shaft".

  Al Bundy : On my honeymoon.

  Jefferson D'Arcy : On your honeymoon?

  Griff : That doesn't count.

• Al Bundy : Gentlemen, gentlemen, I think I may have been a little too harsh on my son. After all, the only thing he really did wrong was going to the library in the first place. The rest is totally understandable. I mean, we men have our needs. It's women who tell us these things are wrong. And why? Because they want to take away the only good sex we have!