Married... with Children (TV Series)

Build a Better Mousetrap (1988)

David Faustino: Bud Bundy

Photos 

Quotes 

• Kelly Bundy : Dad, you cannot be serious! A mousetrap in MY room?

  Bud Bundy : The guys under the bed object, Kel?

  Kelly Bundy : Dad, it's a humiliation! What will my friends think when they see mousetraps everywhere?

  Al : Well, they'll think that unlike Mr. Bundy, the mouse gets to eat before he dies.

  Kelly Bundy : Mom, how long are we gonna have to live with this mouse?

  Peggy : Well, your father's taking care of it.

  Kelly Bundy : Oh great, might as well build him a room!

• Bud Bundy : Did you hear any noises last night, Kel?

  [Kelly shakes her head for "no"] 

  Bud Bundy : I mean, for a while I thought they were coming from your room, but they weren't the usual noises. You know, the whispers, "Quiet. You'll wake up my parents." Then the muffled sound of eight footsteps heading for the window. Then the sound of loose change hitting the pillow.

  Kelly Bundy : You know, Bud, with your good looks I think that you should be a model. I mean, I could see it now, your face on a poster with the caption: "My daddy didn't use a condom."

• Bud Bundy : It says right here, that mice are pretty intelligent.

  Al Bundy : Yeah, right. Look, Bud. A mouse has a brain about this big.

  [makes a space of half an inch with his fingers] 

  Al Bundy : Mine's at least twice that size!

  Peggy Bundy : Yeah, but if you only use it half as much, it becomes a fair fight again.

• Peggy : Kids, I'm sorry to make such a big fuss over such a little thing like a mouse. But, you know, there are some things from childhood, you just can't forget.

  Kelly Bundy : I hope this isn't true, Mom.

  Peggy : Now, how about a hug?

  Bud Bundy : Can't, Mom. You've got cooties.

• [Al is holding out a piece of cheese near a hole, waiting to hit the mouse with a hammer] 

  Kelly Bundy : I'm worried about Daddy.

  Al Bundy : Ssh!

  Bud Bundy : Mom, even if the mouse is stupid enough to stick his head out for the cheese, won't Dad smash his hand with the hammer?

  Peggy Bundy : Yes, Bud, he will. But, you know, everyone who watches Roadrunner cartoons knows the coyote is going over the cliff, but you watch it and laugh anyway.

  Al Bundy : [still waiting for the mouse]  Ah-ha!

  [Al accidentally hits his hand with the hammer] 

  Peggy Bundy : Beep, beep!