Married... with Children (TV Series)

Calendar Girl (1996)

Ed O'Neill: Al Bundy

Quotes 

• Peggy : I'll be home just as soon as I find Dad, and believe me, I am leaving no stone unturned.

  Al : Where are you?

  Peggy : Well I just left Tiffany's. You wouldn't believe how big some of their stones are.

  Al : You should see some of mine. I just felt a big one leave my kidneys and head for my urinary tract.

• Al : [to Bud, about him solving a problem]  You better! If not, I'm taking you out of the will! Wait a minute, that's no punishment... I'm putting you *in* the will!

• Bud : Parents love their children no matter what they do.

  Al : Damn you, Kelly, you ate my last Hershey's Kiss! You're in the will!

  Kelly : NO, DAD! NO!

• Peggy : Al, I am trying to save my parents' marriage. This is not about you or your stupid money. I gotta go.

  [Drives off in a limousine] 

  Al : [Hangs up]  That was Mom, and she left us.

  Bud : Mom is gone?

  Al : Yeah.

  Bud : Was it something I did?

  Al : I don't know. Maybe.