Married... with Children (TV Series)

Do Ya Think I'm Sexy (1990)

David Faustino: Bud Bundy

Quotes 

• Peggy : Al, you're late coming home. The shoe store closed hours ago. Where have you been?

  Al : Walking around. Thinking. Whoa, this new underwear is tight. You can freeze a cheek off in these babies in the cold breeze out there.

  Peggy : What happened?

  Al : Well... this young, beautiful... very beautiful girl walked into the shoe store today. A very well dressed young woman. She asked to try on some shoes. As I was helping her out, she kind of flirted with me and I flirted back. We talked for a while. Then out of the blue, she asked me to run away to the Greek islands with her.

  Kelly Bundy : Did you go, Daddy?

  Al : [sarcastic]  Yes, Pumpkin. I'm sorry I didn't get to say goodbye.

  Kelly Bundy : That's okay.

  Al : Anyway, all this girl wanted was a love toy.

  Bud Bundy : Yeah, I know the feeling.

  Kelly Bundy : Oh, please! The only feeling you know is Buck's fur against your cheek on a warm summer night.

  Al : It was every man's fantasy. To be kept by a young wealthy woman whose skirt is as short as the lifespan of the man she chooses. But I said "no."

  Bud Bundy : Why?

  [Peggy angrily punches Bud in his arm] 

  Al : Well, because I just realized that everything I've been doing up to now... the bathing, the tooth brushing, changing of the socks, wearing fancy clean clothes, being nice to people, trying to succeed... it's all for nothing. All of those things are designed to attract. Why should I be attractive? I'm married... with children.

• Bud Bundy : [Bud and Kelly are fixing the doorbell]  Now you're sure the power's off?

  Kelly Bundy : For the thousandth time, yes the power is off.

  Bud Bundy : [Bud steps outside with a screwdriver, moments later sparks fly, the lights flicker and Bud screams]  Help Me!

  [Bud walks back in, still smoldering] 

  Bud Bundy : Kelly, spell "off"... SPELL IT!

  Kelly Bundy : O something.