- Al: [hands Kelly his car keys, to fetch his forgotten wallet] Oh, and Kelly...?
- Kelly Bundy: [rolls eyes] I know, I'll be careful.
- Al: Nah, I don't care about that. Just don't change my radio station.
- Al: We inherited a check for $237. We don't know what to do with it.
- Marcy Rhoades: Well let's see: charm school, car muffler, high hedges.
- Steve Rhoades: Your own newspaper subscription, your own garbage cans, bail money for the children.
- Kelly Bundy: I think it's romantic that two dinosaurs like Mom and Dad still care enough about each other to dance.
- Kelly Bundy: You want me to throw a fit on the floor like I do when we can't pay at Denny's?
- Al: That was for $3.95. For $225, they'll let you swallow your tongue before they call and ambulance.
- Al: Peg, it's been 2 1/2 hours. It's safe to say the kids have left us here to die.
- Peggy Bundy: I can't believe the kids would do this to us.
- Al: Yeah, like we wouldn't do it to them.
- Al: [pulling an inheritance check out of its envelope, slowly] I see a seven... I see a three... I see a two...
- Bud Bundy: [excitedly] What do you see now, Dad?!
- Al: [rolling eyes] I see a check for two hundred and thirty-seven dollars.
- Bud Bundy: [disappointed] I buffed this man's *carbuncles* for two hundred and thirty-seven *dollars*?!
- Al: [stalling, while Kelly goes to get his wallet] How's about some more water? Y'know, it's nature's fruit juice!