Married... with Children (TV Series)

England Show III: We're Spending as Fast as We Can (1992)

Ed O'Neill: Al Bundy

Photos 

Quotes 

• [the Bundys have fled Al and Bud's execution in a horse-drawn cart, but in the next scene are shown walking] 

  Kelly Bundy : Well, I just saved your worthless hides, and I think I deserve a hearty, "good job, Kelly, thank you."

  Al Bundy : Well, you might have gotten a nice thank you if you hadn't said we'd move faster if we lightened the load, then un-hitched the horse!

• [Al and Bud have halted on the borderline between Upper Uncton and Lower Unction, resulting in a stalemate between the two towns] 

  Bud Bundy : Why aren't they killing us, Dad?

  Al Bundy : I don't know, son. We must be on the borderline.

  Trevor : Right, then! I'll settle this.

  [He snaps his fingers, and the Upper Uncton townspeople seize Peg and Kelly] 

  Trevor : [points his gun at Peg's head]  Now, then: come over here, or your wife and daughter are through!

  [Al and Bud trade an incredulous look, then laugh uproariously, taunting and beckoning Trevor to kill Peg and Kelly anyway] 

  Winston : You fool! That didn't work with the other Bundys either.

• Igor : [preparing to kill Al]  Next time you play a man's game, wear a man's uniform.

  Al Bundy : And the next time you insult an American, make sure he didn't play high school football.

  [kicks Igor in the crotch] 

• Peggy Bundy : Al, I'm scared.

  Al Bundy : Don't worry, babe. This Igor don't look too tough to me!

  Peggy Bundy : Oh, it's not him I'm worried about. They're going to be filming, and I left my bright sun makeup in the castle.

  [Al takes that in, then addresses the Lower Uncton townspeople] 

  Al Bundy : And you guys thought you were cursed.

• [last lines] 

  [Al is chained to a wall in a dungeon next to a grey, bearded prisoner] 

  Al Bundy : What are you in for?

  Prisoner : Stole an ashtray from the Ritz. You?

  Al Bundy : A towel from the Savoy. Say, what do they feed you in here?

  Prisoner : Bread and water.

  Al Bundy : Then, this is truly the best vacation I've ever had!

• [Al has suggested the villagers only pretend to kill him and Bud] 

  Igor : Well, I demand vengeance! Seamus McBundy insulted my great-great-great-grandmother. And I want revenge.

  Al Bundy : How 'bout I buy you an Orange Julius in London, buddy.

• Al Bundy : Let's joust.

• Peggy Bundy : Al, before your death... I mean, certain victory, there's something I must ask you.

  Al Bundy : What is it, babe?

  Peggy Bundy : Do you have our return tickets? I mean, just in case you lose them during your victory dance?

  Al Bundy : Don't worry about me, babe. I played high school football. If I can take down an entire football team, I can take down a knight on his horse. Besides, if there's the chance I should die, it will comfort me greatly to know that you'll be stuck in this country for life!

• Trevor : Let the tournament commence!

  Al Bundy : [to the Bundys]  Well, this is it. Wish me luck, kids.

  Bud Bundy : [scoffs]  What good would it do?

  Al Bundy : [to Kelly]  Pumpkin, what do you have to say?

  Kelly Bundy : [sobbing]  Daddy's dying!

  Al Bundy : [sarcastic]  Well, that's comforting.

• Al Bundy : [Giving a speech to the Lower Uncton townspeople]  My people. Today I feel like the luckiest man on the face of the earth. As you know I played highschool football. I was great. And you kids out there would like to be just as great as I was. But beware: there is a killer out there, a temptation. It will up your money and your will to live. I know you've heard about it before, but you can't hear about it enough. Kids, please just say no to marriage!

• [Al and Bud are still on the borderline between Upper Unction and Lower Unction as the stalemate continues] 

  Bud Bundy : Dad, I think it was brave of you say to them: "take me and let the boy go free."

  Al Bundy : I didn't say that, son.

  Bud Bundy : Don't you think it would be a good time to DO IT?

  Al Bundy : Why would I say that? What better and unhappy way to die then with my only ungrateful son?

  Bud Bundy : [sourly]  I love you, Dad.

  Al Bundy : [scoffs]  Yeah, right!

• crowd : KILL, KILL, KILL

  Al Bundy : Listen to them Peg, they're chanting "AL, AL, AL".