Married... with Children (TV Series)

Father Lode (1988)

David Garrison: Steve Rhoades

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Al and Steve come home late at night] 

  Steve Rhoades : Take it easy, Al. It happens.

  Al Bundy : It doesn't happen to me. It's never, never happened to me. Wha- What am I going to do? How am I going to tell Peg?

  Steve Rhoades : Look, you just have to be brave. Just come right out and tell her, "Peg, I won $1250."

• Steve Rhoades : Well, I know what I'm going to do with the 50 bucks I won: share it with Marcy.

  Al Bundy : [sarcastically]  Wow, Hondo. You are much man.

  Steve Rhoades : Hey, I'm not ashamed to say that it gives me great pleasure to share with my wife. What I am ashamed to say is that's a total lie. But she scares me to death, Al.

• Steve Rhoades : Al, what you're asking me to do goes against everything I believe in. You're asking me to lie to my wife, to deceive her, and I'm afraid I just can't do that... For less than 50 bucks.

  Al Bundy : [gives Steve money]  You're a real weenie, Steve.

  Steve Rhoades : Yes, but a weenie with $50.

• Steve Rhoades : Look, Al, I-I-I have to talk to you. I'm really feeling guilty about hiding that money from Marcy. So could you do me a favor and spend yours so I can share mine? I can't stand the way she looks at me, with such trust.

  Al Bundy : You sure? A lot of guys mistake trust for that just-keep-the-checks-coming-in-or-you're-out-of-here look. They're very similar, you know.

• Al Bundy : Look, could you just give me a couple of more days? In the name of friendship. Huh, buddy?

  Steve Rhoades : Okay, in the name of friendship, which, at today's rates, is another 50 bucks.

  Al Bundy : [gives Steve money]  You're a weenie, Steve.

  Steve Rhoades : Yes, but a weenie with 100 bucks.

• [Steve gives Al $1000 for his stereo] 

  Al Bundy : You're a real weenie, Steve.

  Steve Rhoades : Yes, but a weenie with a stereo and $150 stashed away that Marcy knows nothing about.

• Steve Rhoades : So what are you going to do with the money, Al?

  Al Bundy : What I always knew I would.

  [Al goes over to the staircase and flaps his money in the air. Instantly, Peggy, Bud, and Kelly come downstairs] 

  Peggy Bundy : Al, I heard a strange sound. What was it?

  Al Bundy : Family, I have an announcement. I have money.

  [Peggy immediately takes the money and she and the kids run towards the door] 

  Bud Bundy : I'm getting a new skateboard and a leather jacket.

  Kelly Bundy : Well, I'm going to get a CD player and a suede skirt and some new boots.

  Peggy Bundy : Oh, and I'm going to spend 'til I drop!

  Bud Bundy : Wait a second, wait a second. Think we should get Dad something?

  Peggy Bundy : Well, gee, I'd love to, but I don't think we have enough money.

• [after Peggy and the kids took Al's money and left] 

  Steve Rhoades : Well, what can I say? You, my friend, are a loser, whereas I am your consummate winner.

  [someone bangs on the door] 

  Marcy Rhoades : Steve, get out here and explain this $150 I found hidden!

  [Steve looks terrified, Al cackles as he walks towards the door] 

  Al Bundy : Ah, let me handle this, buddy.

  [opens the door and lets Marcy in] 

  Al Bundy : Marcy, now, let me explain. Now, Steve wasn't hiding anything from you. He was doing me a favor. He was hiding MY $150.

  [takes Steve's money from Marcy] 

  Al Bundy : 'Cause he would never hide anything from you. Right, Steve?

  Steve Rhoades : [bitterly]  Right.