- Vicky: Excuse me, sir. Are you straight?
- Al Bundy: The hairs on my chest are.
- Vicky: Good, maybe you can help me. If you were my boyfriend, would you like this?
- [opens curtains to show Al her lingerie. Al is speechless]
- Vicky: Will he like it?
- [Al nods]
- Vicky: Or do you think he'd like it better without the bra? Like this...
- [takes off bra. Al faints]
- Vicky: Yep, without the bra.
- Al: [watches the hot store clerk walk away] Yeah, let's see the Japanese build a better one of those!
- Marcy Rhoades D'Arcy: What if men had breasts?
- Al Bundy: Then we wouldn't need women anymore.
- Peggy Bundy: And if you had what other men had, I wouldn't need batteries anymore.
- Al Bundy: That's what happened to my Diehard!
- Al Bundy: I'd like a bra for my wife, who's a woman... sort of.
- Muffy: Well, what's her cup size? Is she my size?
- [Al stares at Muffy's bust, blankly]
- Muffy: Sir?
- Al Bundy: Oh, I'm sorry. I was sweating in my eye. My wife... her cup size is like...
- [Al walks over to another female customer with a large bust and puts his hands on both her breasts]
- Al Bundy: She's just like this. Do you agree with me, Steve?
- Steve Rhoades: [embarrassed] I'm not speaking to you, Al.
- Al Bundy: Hey, Pops. How they hangin'?
- Pops: Not too bad, son. Not too bad. I see you ordered the Fancy Figure 327. Solid bra. A bra with it's feet on the ground. A real man's bra.
- [both Al and Pops the owner look over at a gay man trying on cosmetics and trying on a beauty contestant crown]
- Al Bundy: Ah, will you look at that? And they wonder why we call them queens.
- Pops: Yeah... they ought to be a law.
- Muffy: [off-screen] Pops! Phone! It's your wife.
- Pops: [to Al] My wife: nag, nag, nag! Sheetz!
- [Al laughs as Pops walks around the desk to the back... revealing that he's not wearing slacks, but women's stockings and garter belts! Al jumps, looking hilariously shocked and disgusted]
- [last lines]
- Al Bundy: [voice-over after Al and Peg go upstairs to 'do it'] Peg, who's the cop with his pants on backwards?
- [Al and Steve see beautiful women in the lingerie store]
- Al: I knew women looked like that. I knew it, I knew it...
- Marcy Rhoades D'Arcy: I don't know why we even need bras.
- Al Bundy: Oh, I think it's to keep your breasts off the plate when you eat.