Married... with Children (TV Series)

Hood in the Boyz (1993)

Ed O'Neill: Al Bundy

Photos 

Quotes 

• Bum : Excuse me, can you spare a few dollars?

  Al : No, sorry, I gave at the wife.

• [Al is surrounded by Ray-Ray and his gang] 

  Al : [voiceover]  Well, this certainly sucks! Wait, this is no time to panic. You were once king of the streets. Just say what a king would say. A true king.

  Al : [speaking out loud]  C-can't we all get along?

• Al : Have I gone yet?

  Bud : No.

  Al : Then give me a push.

  [Kelly and Bud shove Al] 

  Al : Now help me up.

• Jefferson : Al, have you ever read the book, "The Man is Always Right"?

  Al : No, the wife wouldn't let me.

• Jefferson : What will you tell Peg?

  Al : Same thing I always tell her:

  [Checks to make sure Peg is not around] 

  Al : That what I do is none of her damn business.

• Ray Ray : What is it with you, Bundy? You still not getting enough curve in your diet? We knock you around and you keep coming back for more. Why? Why do you do it?

  Al : For the same reasons why men climb mountains, or sail across the sea alone, for the only reason that a rational man would do an irrational thing like this.

  Ray Ray : Pride?

  Al : No. Women!

• Al : I'm a moron, Ray Ray. We're all morons. That's what comes from being a man. From the first little worm they dare us to eat, to the last big shovel of snow that we can move... we are nothing more to women than an amusement park with life insurance. Why else would we do the idiotic things we do? For example, do you ski?

  Ray Ray : No.

  Al : Well, you will if some girl wants you to. We all will. We hurl down that mountain so fast that the crack of our bodies hitting that tree at the bottom would not resinate in their ears before we pounce up and say "I'm okay!" They know we're not okay. Hell, even if they missed seeing that pair of squirrels running away with our hacky sacks, one glance down at the red color of the snow indicate that they're might be some trauma. And we've all been to a weight room where some pretty girl walks by and we say to ourselves, "gee, I think I'll start today's warm up by bench pressing around... nine tons!" So you see Ray Ray, as long as there's women... they're will be men around to do stupid things to impress them. That's why I'm here. That's why you're here. That's why they're here. Now, someday you may evolve beyond this, but it's too late for me. I'm too old, too married and lost too many hacky sacks.

  Ray Ray : So, let me get this straight. Either I split so you can look cool in front of your girl...

  Al : Or you look cool in front of yours... and kill me. Let's rock.