Married... with Children (TV Series)

I Want My Psycho Dad: Part 2 (1994)

Ed O'Neill: Al Bundy

Photos 

Quotes 

• Al : Guys, we're in Washington, let's take advantage of what it has to offer. Griff, check out room service. Ike, fix that TV so we won't have to pay for the porn channel.

• Al : We've all been brought up on Road Runner cartoons and The Three Stooges, but how many of us have run a saw across a bald guy's head?

• Jefferson : Don't you wanna call home and make sure Peg and the kids are okay?

  Al : Relax, Jefferson, nothing is going to happen.

  News Reporter : [voice]  Late word today from Chicago where a simple house party has spread like a virus. It is described as a Woodstock without the music. Police have been put on tactical alert... .

  [the channel is changed to the porn channel] 

  Porn Actress : [voice]  Oh Santa, I've been very, very bad.

• Al : [Is lying about going ice fishing when his friends are all wearing different outfits]  So you see, Peg, after Jefferson gets the deer bait, Griff has to ski it down to the lake where Ike has set up camp. And Bob Rooney scuba dives it into the lake to see which fish are the hungriest, telling Officer Dan so he in turn can smoke signal the information back to me so I can ice fish with utmost confidence.

  Peggy : Of course. Have a nice time, Boys. Catch a big one, Al.

  Al : Oh I already have, Peg.

• Al : Here we are, boys. City of brotherly love.

  Jefferson : No, that's Philadelphia.

  Al : Well, what's Washington?

  Officer Dan : A team without a quarterback.

  [Everyone snickers except Al] 

  Al : You guys are so cynical. Here we are in the capital of the greatest nation on the free earth, and you can't even appreciate...

  [looks out the window] 

  Al : Everybody down!

  [Everyone hits the floor as a burst of gunfire is heard, and one of the windows shatters] 

  Griff : Nice room you got us! Was the John Hinckley Arms booked?

• Peggy : I still say that you guys will never get into the Senate to make your case.

  Al : We will so! Jefferson said he knows people in high places.

  Marcy Rhoades D'Arcy : Jefferson knows jack!

  [to Jefferson] 

  Marcy Rhoades D'Arcy : When are you going to stop telling the buffoons these fanciful James Bond-ian tales of derring-do? You know, if you were half has creative with your job resume...

  [two secret service agents enter] 

  Chopper : Good evening, Bullwinkle.

  Jefferson : Hello, Chopper and Geronimo.

  Geronimo : Long time no see.

  Chopper : What's up?

  Jefferson : Iraq, Iran, I married!

  Geronimo : So, what time do you need the wake-up bird?

  Jefferson : 0600 will be fine.

  Chopper : Cool.

  Geronimo : Over.

  Jefferson : Out!

  [the agents exit] 

• Al : [Griff is sobbing]  Aw, take it easy, Griff. We might have lost Psycho Dad, but we will win the war!

  Griff : It's not that. To tell the truth, I never even liked Psycho Dad.

  Al : Well what is it, then?

  Griff : I really thought we were going ice fishing.

• Peggy : [as the men leave to 'go ice-fishing']  Catch a big one, Al!

  Al : [regards her]  Oh, I... already... have, Peg.

  [closes door] 

• Al : Hey, guys... We got porn on the TV, the clothes on our backs, the beds to ourselves... Dare I say it? It doesn't get any better than this.

  [and then, Peg and Marcy appear in the doorway]