Married... with Children (TV Series)

I Who Have Nothing (1991)

Ed O'Neill: Al Bundy

Photos 

Quotes 

• [the family comes home after an outing] 

  Peggy Bundy : That was a great family day.

  Kelly Bundy : Yeah.

  Peggy Bundy : Thanks for taking us with you, Al.

  Kelly Bundy : Why don't we do this more often, Daddy?

  Al Bundy : Well, it's not every day an uncle dies and the coroner forgets to lock his house.

• [Aunt Heather comes over] 

  Al Bundy : [about his uncle]  We were so sorry to hear of his passing.

  Aunt Heather : Yes, your grief was evident as you tried to bite the ring off his finger.

• Al Bundy : What idiot would be so thoughtless as to not leave a will?

  Kelly Bundy : Do you have a will, Daddy?

  Al Bundy : Well, no, but, uh... I will have one after today.

• Al Bundy : I've lived and I've loved. Later on, I even married.

• Al Bundy : [to his family]  All that is mine shall be divided among you.

  [later, Al is looking in a box] 

  Al Bundy : [tearfully]  I have nothing!

  Bud Bundy : Ah, come on, Dad. I wouldn't call a 45 of "Under the Boardwalk" and a baseball card of Joe Nuxhall nothing.

  Kelly Bundy : Yeah, and a copy of Sports Hijinks on Beta.

• Al Bundy : Peg, how could this possibly be? I've worked for 25 years, I've amassed nothing.

  Peggy Bundy : Oh, honey, it's not your fault. You could've been rich. You just never had the break... Or the brains, or the skill, or the initiative, or even the mindless charm some get by on.

• Al Bundy : Peg, don't you understand this is important to me? How would you remember me if I died tomorrow?

  Peggy Bundy : As a lover.

  Kelly Bundy : A father.

  Bud Bundy : A provider.

  [everyone, except Al, laughs] 

• Al Bundy : Why am I making out a will? Buck, I'm leaving everything to you.

  Buck the Dog : [with sarcasm]  Aruba, here I come.

• Al Bundy : Can you loan me a nickel?

  Jefferson D'Arcy : I won't lend it to you, but I'll trade you even for your Dodge.

• Al Bundy : Peg? Peg, let me ask you a question. Do you remember the name of that cute little cheerleader I was crazy about before I got drunk, woke up married to you?

  Peggy Bundy : Why, yes, I do. In fact, I remember this rhyme that everyone used to say about her: If you want to get drunk, get some brandy. If you want a social disease, just call Sandy.

  Al Bundy : Sandy... Sandy Jorgenson. Thank you, Peg.

  Peggy Bundy : Why do you wanna know?

  Al Bundy : Huh? Oh, well, no, Peg, uh, Jefferson was wondering who my second favorite girl in high school was.

  [Al chuckles as Peggy kisses his forehead and leaves] 

  Al Bundy : [to Jefferson]  I wish I could remember who my first favorite was.