- Peggy Bundy: You did put on clean underwear today, didn't you Al?
- [Al drops his head and shakes it slowly]
- Kelly Bundy: When we rifled his pants last night, we found a note in his pocket. It said, "It's in my underwear. I dare you."
- Peggy Bundy: I want to have sex on the kitchen table.
- Al Bundy: I want to have a meal on the kitchen table.
- Marcy Rhoades: Whenever I want to put a little more "beef" in Steve's jerky, I take him to this nice little romantic motel out near the airport. It's called The Hop on Inn.
- Marcy Rhoades: When you go down there and you've broken their spines and snapped their arms like little twigs and they're truly truly helpless, then I'll come in. Yeah, I'll come in with just a mere old-fashioned can-opener, and I'll do things to them that'll make the devil himself vomit.
- Steve Rhoades: Or we could sue.