- Bud: [Bud is explaining his new identity] My story is that I'm a bad boy rapper from the streets of New York and I am hiding out in Chicago because I killed a man or spray painted a tree or an old man or something.
- Peggy: Excuse me but isn't that the plot of 'The Fresh Prince of Bel Air'?
- Bud: Yes, but that's an NBC show, so who would know?
- Kelly: At the beginning of the last meeting I suggested we have no more meetings. It was seconded by Bud, my brother, and Dad, my daddy. We stared dully at Mom and then were forced into a chorus of "We Love The Baby." Then Mom left to pee, and Dad suggested that we play a lethal round of "How Fat Is She?"
- [Al lifts his head, worried, and Peg glares at him]
- Kelly: Dad guessed 415lbs. We all laughed, and Dad said "Don't write this down, Pumpkin." That concludes my report.
- Al: That's what's wrong with this country, Peg; everytime something tears up, we call someone to fix it. Not like Grandpa Bundy; there was a fixin' man.
- Bud: You mean Grandpa Hook?
- Al: Well, circular saws were new then. But he carved his own hook; he didn't call anybody!
- Peggy: It would have been hard for him to hold the phone with the one finger he had left on his other hand.
- Al: One finger is all a real American needs, Peg.
- Peggy: Who is loved more than all babies that came before him. Now, since we have limited space, I would like to move that the baby share a room with Daddy and me. We'll just put a crib at the foot of the bed.
- Al: I would like the record to show that I would rather sleep in a bunk bed under Oprah. I would rather engage in a frolicking threesome with Roseanne and her cool husband. I would rather play Naked Twister with every one of the Golden Girls, than have that little screaming doodie geyser at the foot of my bed. I've said my piece, thank you.
- [he sits down, then stands back up]
- Al: Hail baby.
- Peggy: Now kids; you know that Daddy has worked hard on his new room and we don't want to hurt his feelings, so, nobody laugh until I do first!
- Al: [one of Jefferson's friends has just done the "pull my finger gag"] And I thought I ran with a cool crowd in high school.