Married... with Children (TV Series)

Kelly Breaks Out (1994)

Ted McGinley: Jefferson D'Arcy

Quotes 

• Jefferson D'Arcy : [while watching the Home Shopping Network]  Oh... Oh, look, white-trash collector plates.

  Al Bundy : [chuckles]  I'm glad Peg's not here to see this.

  Jefferson D'Arcy : Yeah.

  Woman : [on TV]  Our first call is from Wanker County, Wisconsin.

  Peggy Bundy : [on TV]  Uh, yes. I'd like to order the Roger Clinton service for eight, please. Now, that comes with matching spittoons, right?

  Al Bundy : You know, it's amazing. They don't even have gravity in Wanker County, but they get the Home Shopping Network.

• Al Bundy : You know, Emma Peel's the one that wore the really tight jumpsuits.

  Jefferson D'Arcy : And kicked really high.

  Al Bundy : Thereby allowing us to see every single nuance and fold in her body. Tee hee! Jefferson, I've gotta order this.

  Jefferson D'Arcy : To the phones.

  Bud Bundy : Uh, has it occurred to either of you rutabagas that the woman may be pushing 200 by now? Pounds and years.

  Al Bundy : That's why you look at them on tape. If I only had to look at your mother on tape, I'd still be having sex with her.

• [the phone rings] 

  Jefferson D'Arcy : Aren't you gonna answer that?

  Al Bundy : No. I was happy. That means it's Peg.

  Jefferson D'Arcy : Well, you don't know that.

  [Kelly answers the phone] 

  Kelly Bundy : Hello? It's Mom.

• Bud Bundy : I'm gonna go upstairs and start my homework before they start grabbing each others' noses with pliers.

  Jefferson D'Arcy : [from off screen]  Ow!

  Bud Bundy : Too late.