Married... with Children (TV Series)

Kelly Doesn't Live Here Anymore (1992)

Brian Doyle-Murray: Wayne

Photos 

Quotes 

• Wayne : Hey, didn't you take my picture once while I was on a pleasure cruise? I think Florence Henderson was on there too.

  Jefferson D'Arcy : You think if I'm really that good-looking guy from "The Love Boat" you really think I'd be doing this? I'd be rich. Would you like another picture Captain... err... I mean Fonzie... err... I mean Al?

• Wayne : I just want to let you know, that you are the stupidest girl I've had working here. And that says a lot. That says an awful lot. In fact, you are one whopping moron. So... you want to go out with me later?

  Kelly Bundy : I'd rather stick my face in the deep fryer, that is if there's enough room for it with the rats in there.

  Wayne : Hey, it took me half-an-hour to clean most of them out of there. Besides, the people seem to like the tails. We call them cajun fries. Oh, would you set a couple of traps before you leave? And set them on stun for they stay fresher.

• Wayne : So, you think you got what it takes to be a burger waitress?

  [Kelly nods excitedly] 

  Wayne : Let me see your application.

  [she hands it to him] 

  Wayne : It's blank. Well, you got what it takes to be a burger waitress.

• Wayne : Feel good about yourself, missy, you have chosen a profession in which many great Americans have rotted away their youth.

• Kelly Bundy : So, is there any training that I have to do?

  Wayne : Let's see, er, do you know what a plate looks like?

  [Kelly points to it] 

  Wayne : Excellent. You know what a table looks like?

  [Kelly points to it] 

  Wayne : Excellent. Now, you take one to the other. You know which one?

  Kelly Bundy : Well, the table would be too heavy to take to the plate. Ergo, as Shakespeare said, the plate's the thing.

  Wayne : You are a find!