Married... with Children (TV Series)

Love Conquers Al (1995)

Ed O'Neill: Al Bundy

Photos 

Quotes 

• Ephraim Wanker : Listen, now... I gotta talk to you. Uh, it's, uh... It's Mama. Um, she's a little shy.

  Al Bundy : Of what? A metric ton?

• Ephraim Wanker : [about his wife]  I-I-I think she's a little embarrassed to be here.

  Peggy Bundy : Oh, you... You know, Al, maybe Daddy's right. Maybe it'd make her feel better if we stick around and participate.

  Al Bundy : Peg, I'd rather go synchronized swimming with Angela Lansbury. I'd rather have my neck shaved by Ray Charles. I'd even rather have your picture tattooed on the inside of my eyelids than spend any more time with these clowns.

  [the clown sitting among the other married couples looks sad after hearing the comment] 

  Ephraim Wanker : Look, uh, ahem, Al, you leave now, and you can forget about Mama and I patching things up here.

  Al Bundy : All right, I'll stay! But I swear, I'm not touching that bozo with the big red hair!

  [points to the clown sitting nearby] 

  Al Bundy : Or that guy!

• Peggy Bundy : Al, don't you think you're jumping to conclusions? All Dad said was that he's coming over here with big news.

  Al Bundy : What could be bigger than your mother? In captivity, that is.

• [Jefferson has been brainwashed] 

  Al Bundy : [knocks on Jefferson's head]  Jefferson? You in there, buddy? What happened to you? You used to be a man.

  Jefferson D'Arcy : [in monotone voice]  I am a man.

  Al Bundy : Then who's your favorite stooge?

  Jefferson D'Arcy : [in monotone voice]  The 3 Stooges are not funny. You know who I think is funny? That Elayne Boosler, ha ha ha.

• Peggy Bundy : [about the D'Arcys]  Gee, Al, they seem so much in love. Maybe this Dr. Richelieu could make our marriage happier.

  Al Bundy : Oh, no, Peg, the only doctor who could do that is Kevorkian.

• Dr. Richelieu : Now, I know you all think your problems might be strange or... unique. But believe me, I have seen it all and nothing could...

  [sees Peg's mother] 

  Dr. Richelieu : Holy mother of gods!

  Al Bundy : Well, she's old enough.

  Dr. Richelieu : And who might you be?

  Al Bundy : Well, I might be Brad Pitt, but as you can see by the chick on my arm, I'm not.

• Al Bundy : [singing]  Ain't gonna live no more with no big, fat woman! Ain't gonna live no more with no big, fat woman! Ain't gonna live no more with no big, fat woman!