Married... with Children (TV Series)

My Dinner with Anthrax (1992)

Ed O'Neill: Al Bundy

Photos 

Quotes 

• Bud Bundy : Hey, Dad...

  Al Bundy : Go away.

  Bud Bundy : Dad, this isn't about money.

  Al Bundy : Go away anyhow.

  Bud Bundy : Dad! We wanna throw a party on the 30th. Can we, please?

  Al Bundy : Absolutely not. I have something very important to do that night, requires total silence. I can't get too technical, but it involves your mother, our anniversary, and me making love to her 'til I shrivel up and die. Now, you're too young to hear any more. Excuse me. I'm going to go outside and walk blindly in traffic.

• Al Bundy : Kookie, Kookie, lend me my Big 'Uns!

• Jefferson D'Arcy : Okay, now that you're more composed, could you tell me what you were doing sitting behind my car with the exhaust pipe in your mouth?

  Al Bundy : [wheezing]  My wife... wants me to make... love to her.

  Jefferson D'Arcy : Well, then shouldn't she be the one with her mouth on the exhaust pipe?

• Jefferson D'Arcy : Wilt Chamberlain claims to have made love to over 20,000 women.

  Al Bundy : Yeah, and not one of them was his wife.

• Jefferson D'Arcy : You can do it, big guy.

  Al Bundy : No, I can't. You don't understand. It's my wife, it's just not right!

  Jefferson D'Arcy : It's your own fault for being so... damn desirable, Al.

  Al Bundy : Yes, you're right. Of course I see that now. When my looks says "yes", how can I say "no"?

• [Al looks at the destruction inside his house after the Anthrax house party] 

  Al Bundy : [to Kelly and Bud]  You kids should be ashamed of yourselves. Having a party while I was stuck down in a swamp having sex with your mother. I never wanna go back to either place again. Where's my fun?

  Peggy Bundy : Al, like you, the kids just did their best.

• Jefferson D'Arcy : All right, come on, you can do it, Al. First you... you put on some music, and then you turn the lights down low.

  Al Bundy : Low?

  Jefferson D'Arcy : Yeah.

  Al Bundy : Low?

  Jefferson D'Arcy : Yeah.

  Al Bundy : But I can still see her!

• Kelly Bundy : Did you get us anything good from Florida?

  Al Bundy : Well, we didn't have much money, so we got the only thing we could afford. It's out on the porch.

  [Al opens the door and Edd enters] 

  Edd Byrnes : Hey, kids. Hey, uh, as soon as I bring in the rest of your bags, I got a treat for you.

  [gives Bud and Kelly each a comb] 

  Edd Byrnes : Yep. Kookie, Kookie, lend me your comb.

  [Edd chuckles as he walks back outside] 

  Kelly Bundy : Who's he?

  Al Bundy : That's Kookie. Your mother said she'd walk and feed him, but you know the first rainy night who's gonna be doing it.

• Al Bundy : By the way, who are those guys out on the stoop?

  Kelly Bundy : Oh, that's the band Anthrax. They... They ate Mom's mystery pack, so the Environmental Protection Agency quarantined them to our house for six months.