- Kelly Bundy: Mom, when I grow up I want to be just like you. I want to do nothing, I want to be nothing.
- Al Bundy: [gives her money] There you go. That's 20 bucks.
- Jade: I'm sorry I had to ask. But would you believe it? Lost my purse.
- Al Bundy: Well, let's retrace your steps. Let's go back to your shower this morning. What were you wearing?
- Jade: Well, nothing.
- Al Bundy: Uh, uh. And what kind of soap were you using?
- Al Bundy: The important thing here is that you learn responsibility. And that your dad here is more than a ready teller who doles out money anytime anybody asks.
- [the hot brunette Jade enters]
- Jade: Excuse me? Could you be able to spare some cab fare?
- Al Bundy: Absolutely. You know, cabs are dangerous these days. Let me get you a limo.
- Al Bundy: Now, you remember that 300 pound behemoth that orbited her way in here about an hour ago?
- Bud Bundy: The one with the chicken wings between her giant teeth?
- Al Bundy: No, the other one that I sold a pair of flats to. That was a $20 sale. That means a solid $1.97 in commission for me. After taxes, social security and your mom, I just earned myself a cool nickel. You know, I never figured that out before. Other people are making money. A nickel?
- Kelly Bundy: Do you remember when I was 7 and I was crying because Bobby Shepman liked Teri Mull just because she was a blonde, and you ran right out and bought me my first bottle of bleach?
- Peggy Bundy: I almost forgot about that. Honey, what is your real hair color?
- Kelly Bundy: I don't know. What color is yours?
- Peggy Bundy: I don't know.
- Kelly Bundy: This isn't going to be another one of those "There's only enough food for three" lectures, is it?
- Al Bundy: No, it's not that. I want everybody to know that they have a security guard patrolling the wishing well around the mall, so money will be a little tight for a while.
- Kelly Bundy: I couldn't believe that astronaut. 40 years old and she didn't even know who Oprah was.
- Peggy Bundy: Let's go have ourselves a real mother-daughter day. We'll get some popcorn, feed the pigeons, and then walk by a construction site and make them hoot like jackals.
- Kelly Bundy: You're too cool for school.