Married... with Children (TV Series)

Naughty But Niece (1994)

David Faustino: Bud Bundy

Photos 

Quotes 

• Bud : Who are you?

  Griff : Name's Griff. I work here.

  Bud : That's funny. Dad never told me he hired another guy.

  Griff : And who are you?

  Bud : Bud. Al Bundy's my father.

  Griff : That's funny. He never told me he had a son.

  Bud : Daughter?

  Griff : Nope.

  Bud : Wife?

  Griff : Not living.

  Bud : Four touchdowns in one game?

  Griff : Oh, hell yeah!

• [Amber walks out the front door and passes Al, who's coming in] 

  Al : Cute girl. What happened? Wrong house?

  Bud : Dad, that was Mrs. Darcy's niece. That was Amber.

  Al : Marcy's niece? Must be from the unfeathered side of the family.

• Bud : I know what I did was wrong and I should be punished.

  Al : Yes you should. But how?

  Kelly : I say we put him in a sack and drop him off the Sears Tower.

  Al : Where the hell am I going to get a sack?

• Amber : Psst! Psst!

  Bud : [reaches under his bed]  Damn leaky rubber woman!

• Bud : [after Amber slips upstairs and gives Bud a seductive look]  Dad, whatever you do, just don't send me to my room. Especially for a whole week. That would kill me.

  Al : [after short pause]  You go to your room. For one week.

  Bud : You're a cruel, but fair man.

  [runs] 

• Bud : I'm sorry about that, Dad. I just haven't slept much 'cause I'm studying for a scholarship. The test is tomorrow and if I ace it, I'll get to study at Oxford. You have heard of Oxford?

  Al : Heard of it? Hell, I've been selling them for years.

• Amber : [having neck massaged]  Oh, your hands feel so strong. Especially the right one. Do you work out?

  Bud : Kind of.

• [first lines] 

  Bud : [in dream, arrives home with stunning statuesque blonde]  I'm so glad you're my physics lab partner, Breezy. I'm sure I could have gotten an easy A if I teamed up with the Korean kid, but, uh... I prefer a challenge.

  Breezy : Oh, Bud! I've watched you every day in quantum mechanics. I just love the way you glide your fingers sensuously over your Texas instrument. Take me!

• Al : Whoops! Cheerleader routine up!

  Bud : I'm trying to study, so can you try to keep it down?

  Al : Gotcha!

  [to TV screen:] 

  Al : Cut to the left! Cut to the left! No! Go for the end zone!

  Bud : I thought you were watching cheerleaders.

  Al : I am. Damn cameraman's shooting their faces.

• Cherise : [another fantasy dream girl]  Bud! I've come to make love to you. I want you to rub my tootsies and then show me something in a size 6.

  Bud : [slyly]  I only carry a 9.

• Bud : [hands over cash to get some peace and quiet]  Kelly, get yourself some concert tickets.

  Kelly : Thank you, Bud. If you weren't my brother, I...

  Bud : Yeah, I know. You'd be surrendering your body for ice cream and a pony ride. Go on!

  [shoos her off] 

• Bud : [everybody's finally away]  Finally. Some quiet. It's just you and me now, Buck, boy.

  Buck : [family dog]  Uh-oh. I've seen porno films that start like this.

• Amber : [bare midriff and denim hot pants]  Hi. I'm Mary's niece, Amber.

  Bud : You're Amber?

  Amber : Yeah. I'm hiding from my aunt.

  [long hair cascading as she closes the front door behind her] 

  Amber : Do you mind if I take off these sticky clothes and take a shower?