- Al: Jefferson, tell them what $800 can buy.
- Jefferson: Well, it could buy you a nice car.
- Kelly: You really know where we can get a car for $800, Mr. D'Arcy?
- Jefferson: Sure do. Car auctions. You know, where they sell cars seized by federal agencies.
- Marcy: It's true. They may not be in the best of shape, bullet holes, blood stains, the smell of rotting bodies. But then you don't seem to mind riding in the Dodge.
- Al: There's no bullet holes in my Dodge. But that can be changed if you're willing to crawl into the trunk.
- [Al and the kids have returned from the auto auction]
- Peggy: Did you buy the kids a car, Al?
- Kelly: [off screen] DON'T TOUCH MY CAR! I DON'T KNOW WHERE YOUR HANDS HAVE BEEN!
- Bud: [off screen] IN THAT CASE YOU SHOULDN'T BE SITTING IN IT!
- Al: Yes, I did. And, as you can see, all of my worries about them fighting were unfounded.
- [Looks out the window where Kelly has Bud in a headlock beating him on the head]
- Al: On the upside, however, I did get them to knock off $100. Why pay for seat belts if you don't have brakes?
- [Al has an instant Polaroid camera taking photos of Peggy just off-screen]
- Al: That's right, Peg. God, they look so firm. Hold 'em up for me, baby.
- [Al takes a photo]
- Al: Now, let's see that pretty rump. Beautiful!
- [Al takes another photo of Peggy... holding a rump of ham. She is standing beside the open refrigerator door that is now filled with various packaged meats]
- Peggy: Ow! My blisters are hurting from carrying that food to the checkout counter.
- Al: Well Peg, if you'd been there before, you would have known that the carts in front of the store are for that.
- Peggy: I thought that was parking for the homeless.
- Bud: Hey, Kel. Guess what; I've got a date tonight with a foreign exchange student who's so easy she makes you look like a calculus problem.
- Al: [Al is explaining the auto insurance policy to Kelly] One: you can't drive on paved roads. Two: cars have the right of way. And because you have to always be on official farm business...
- [pulls out a live chicken]
- Al: This must always be in your car, hence the South Forty motto "No Chicken, No Check".
- Bud: [comes through the front door] Hey, Kel.
- [looks at Al]
- Bud: South Forty Insurance, Dad?
- Al: It's a damn fine company, "The Farmer's Best Friend" next to a sheep and a tall wheat field.
- [Bud and Kelly are double dating at the drive-in]
- Sonya: American movies are so rich and confusing. So much texture and subplot.
- Bud: Well, the thing to remember is that Elmer is mad at Bugs because he tied his gun barrel into a bow.
- Kelly: Exchange student, huh? What did we send her country; a head of lettuce and some sand?