Married... with Children (TV Series)

Nooner or Later (1994)

Ed O'Neill: Al Bundy

Photos 

Quotes 

• [a large fat woman has just fallen on top of Dexter after he had apparently tried to give her too much tranquilizer] 

  Dexter : Help! She's fallen and I can't get up!

  Al : Dexter, are you okay?

  Dexter : I think I'm done for. Just shoot me... and tell Laura I love her.

  [Dexter passes out] 

  Al : NOOOO! Dexter, I'll call for help. Just try to find an air pocket in there somewhere.

• [a tall, skanky woman enters the shoe store] 

  Al : Can I help you?

  Frieda : Do you have anything sexy?

  Al : No. Do you?

  [the woman punches Al] 

  Al : Ah, it's a good job.

• [first lines] 

  [a little fat girl named Penelope is trying on shoes] 

  Penelope : Does this look like pink? I said pink. Pink you bone top!

  Al : A thousand apologies, my little carbuncle.

  Penelope : With this attitude, you're gonna be working here for the rest of your life.

  Al : Yeah, well take a gander into the seat next to you if you wanna see what your future looks like.

  [Penelope's super-obese mother is sitting in the chair. She has too much makeup on her face and is wearing a T-shirt which reads: 'Chocolate: It's Not Just For Breakfast Anymore'] 

  Leona : Come, Penelope. Let's go someplace where they treat us with respect!

  Al : Why don't you two try the moon? You'll weigh less there.

• Dexter : Mr Bundy? I'm Dexter, the temp you ordered.

  Al : That can't be. I ordered someone with a 44-inch chest.

  Dexter : D-Cup?

  Al : Yeah.

  Dexter : That's me.

  Al : So, Dexter, have you ever sold shoes before?

  Dexter : Nope. You?

  Al : Nope.

• Bud Bundy : Where are you going?

  Peggy Bundy : We're going to the Burned Beyond Recognition concert. We received two free tickets as a consolation prize from the Rick Dees show.

  Kelly Bundy : Wait, Daddy's the reason that we don't have those tickets. We should have them.

  Al : Are you kidding me? You don't know what I had to go through to get those tickets. You don't know where I've been. And believe me, it wasn't Tahiti.

  Bud Bundy : But Dad, you don't even like B.B.R.

  Al : Well, I don't like S-E-X with M-O-M, but it's my J-O-B.

• Peggy Bundy : Do you know my boobs?

  Al : Yeah, they're standing in line for concert tickets.

• Peggy Bundy : Come on, Al, I really wanna hear "Wind Beneath My Wings."

  Al : Then jump off the roof, Peg.

• Al : You get upstairs, I'll take the chicken out!

  [Al forcibly escorts Marcy out of the Bundy house] 

• Al : What's so special about this band?

  Bud Bundy : Well, the lead singer's been known to vomit and urinate on the audience.

  Al : Ah, pee per view.

• Al : Dexter, I've got to get home. Mind the store.

  Dexter : But I don't know how to work the register.

  Al : Well, do what I do, pocket it.

• [last lines] 

  [Al and Peggy are leaving their house to attend the Burned Beyond Recognition concert, with Peggy unaware that the lead singer is known to vomit and urinate on the concert audience] 

  Peggy Bundy : Al, I can't believe it. We're actually going to the concert. Front row seats!

  Al : Okay, but just remember when the lead singer comes out on stage and while he is performing, just remember to look right up at him and smile. And make sure you show him those bright white teeth of yours.

  Peggy Bundy : Do you think that will get his attention?

  Al : Oh... I hope so.