- Al: [the Dodge backfires twice and the heart monitor flatlines] No, no, don't leave me now!... I hope you're happy, Peg. She's gone. Her oil is on your hands!
- Peggy Bundy: Her oil is all over town.
- Al: [Closes the hood] Drive towards the light, old friend. Drive towards the light.
- Jefferson: Ahh, Cuba. Sultry, seductive Cuba. Where the jungles are friendly and the women are easy to hide in. Or was it the other way around?
- Dr. Fisher: It's exactly what I feared, Mr. Bundy, the fuel pump. What have you been feeding her? She has the hoses of a car with twice her mileage.
- [in a flashback to the late 1960s, a teenage Al and Peggy have just has sex in Al's Dodge at a drive-in theater]
- Peggy Bundy: Wow, Al. You were great! You're better and last longer then the whole football team combined. Uh... not that I speak from experience. But you scored four touchdowns today. Four in one game. That's never been done before! You single handingly won Polk High's Championship Football game.
- Al: Oh, Peg, it's no big deal. I mean, it's not like it's going to be the highlight of my life or anything.
- [a flashback to 1974 shows a three-year-old Kelly riding in the back seat of the Dodge with infant Bud in a childs seat with Al and Peggy in the front seats]
- Young Kelly: Eww! Mommy, Daddy, Bud's touching himself!
- Peggy Bundy: She's right, Al.
- Al: Let him be, Kelly. That's just a phase he's going through. He'll grow out of it.
- [after the three-year-old Kelly hits her head]
- Young Kelly: [looking down at her feet] Look! Shiny, shiny, shoes!
- Peggy Bundy: [in 1974 flashback] Al, you shouldn't ignore Kelly. I was watching Phil Donahue yesterday and he said that if a father ignores his daughter, she could develop an abnormal craving for male attention.
- Al: Phil Donahue is full of crap! He doesn't know what things a family thinks or goes through. Just like your idea about "home shopping" where a woman can order anything over the telephone without leaving the house. It'll never work...
- Peggy Bundy: Al, look out!
- [Al swerves his car and hits another car off-screen]
- Al: Damn Japanese cars! They'll never catch on.
- Dr. Fisher: I'm Dr. Fisher, the specialist.
- Al: Oh, thank God you're here, doctor!
- Peggy Bundy: Doctor?
- Dr. Fisher: Yes ma'am, Doctor of Automotive Engineering, Quaker State.
- Dr. Fisher: You should realize that these parts are worth a lot of money.
- Peggy Bundy: Be reasonable, Al. There are lots of other Dodges out there suffering.
- Dr. Fisher: Mr. Bundy, I know this is difficult, but we should harvest these parts now while they're still lubricated.
- Al: Are you nuts? You're not a doctor, you're a butcher! Get out of here, you Jiffy Lube reject!
- Al: Kelly, try to start the car!
- [the car doesn't start and the heart monitor flatlines]
- Al: Bud, cables!
- [uses the jumper cables as a defibrilllator]
- Al: Clear!
- Bud: Nothing, Dad.
- Al: Again! Clear!
- [Heart monitor stops]
- Al: Damn!
- Bud: Nothing. Maybe we should call it, Dad.
- Al: Bud, we can't. I'm gonna oper her up.
- Bud: Open-gasket massage?
- Al: I know it's a risk, but we have no other choice.
- Bud: Dad, you've never done it before.
- Al: I know, I know, but I observed it once at Pep Boys.