- Fidel Castro: Still with the CIA?
- Jefferson D'Arcy: No, no. When I couldn't kill you, they fired me.
- Fidel Castro: Oh, sorry. But you still got the moves.
- Jefferson D'Arcy: That's what the wife says.
- [shows Fidel a picture of Marcy]
- Fidel Castro: You married the kid from Home Improvement?
- Jefferson D'Arcy: [studies the picture] Aye, carumba. I guess I did. Oh, well. She's got money, she buys me things.
- Fidel Castro: Ha! So did Russia, and look what that got us!
- Al Bundy: [Al has just learned that the car dealership took advantage of him] The salesman said that smart people lease.
- Marcy Rhoades D'Arcy: Yeah! To stupid people!
- Cal Stevens: Hey, did you play pro ball?
- Al Bundy: Well, I could have, but I had a career-ending accident.
- Cal Stevens: Knee?
- Al Bundy: Marriage.
- Bud Bundy: I can't believe we're actually in mourning.
- Kelly Bundy: Well I don't know about you, but over here it's 3 o'clock in the afternoon.
- Al Bundy: How dare she tell us what we can or cannot afford. It is my God-given American right to rack up as much debt as posible.
- Jefferson D'Arcy: You, uh... You still have a bunch of old American cars lying around the island?
- Fidel Castro: Thousands. Damn trade embargo. Damn Kennedy. Damn Steve Allen!
- Jefferson D'Arcy: What does Steve Allen got to do with the trade embargo?
- Fidel Castro: Nothing. I just hate him.