- Peggy Bundy: [holds up a flare gun] Hey, look what I found!
- Al Bundy: Peg, be careful! That's a flare gun. We only use that to fire off a red flare when the rescuers come looking for us.
- Peggy Bundy: Oh... but I don't want them or anyone else to see me with my hair this way.
- [Peg throws the flare gun overboard]
- Al Bundy: Oh, this is just great! Now I know why Jacques Cousteau only has men on the Calypso.
- Gilbert Gottfried: That's not "why".
- Al Bundy: I agree that we should appoint a captain for us to get us out of here. We must nominate someone for the position. Now, who knows the most about the sea?
- Gilbert Gottfried: David Hasselhoff.
- Al Bundy: All right, Gilbert is disqualified.
- Al: [What he knows about the ocean] When you flush, it goes here. And I've seen all 3,000 episodes of Gilligan's Island.
- Gilbert Gottfried: So, I'm on a cruise. My agent says to me, "go on a cruise. You don't have to follow Sinbad . You don't have to follow Carrot Top. And, you get to eat with the captain." Well some turn this is. Am I eating with the captain? Am I eating? Am I on a cruise anymore? Somebody get my agent!
- Al Bundy: Somebody get me a spear gun!
- Jefferson D'Arcy: Come on, Al. I think Gilbert is funny.
- Al Bundy: Make that two spear guns!
- Marcy D'Arcy: Why don't we try to catch a fish?
- Al Bundy: How? We got no rods. We got no hooks. We got no bait.
- [everyone looks as Gilbert Gottfried who looks back at them with dread]
- Al Bundy: Well... we still have no rods or hooks.
- Peggy Bundy: Al, whack a fish and get me dinner.
- Al Bundy: Oh, all right, Peg. It's always the same thing! "Al, get me dinner. Al, I'm hungry. Al, I'm horny." Why can't it just be: "Al, wake up, it's Cindy Crawford here. I'm hungry and horny!"
- [Al moves to the side of the raft and raises the oar, then pauses]
- Peggy Bundy: What are you wating for?
- Al Bundy: A red one. There!
- [Al swings the oar at the water, making a large splash]
- Al Bundy: There, I got her! Hey... where'd that fish go?
- Marcy D'Arcy: Where all dead fish go.
- Gilbert Gottfried: To the Red Lobster?
- Marcy D'Arcy: No, Nimrod. To the bottom.
- Al: [after drawing the short straw] Gee, I can't believe how small it is.
- Peggy Bundy: Boy, if I had a nickel for every time I said that.