Married... with Children (TV Series)

Sofa So Good (1994)

Christina Applegate: Kelly Bundy

Photos 

Quotes 

• Kelly : Bud, Mom and Dad are coming home tomorrow. Is there any way that I can talk you into taking full blame for this?

  Bud : Sure. If you can get me a woman who won't say no.

  Kelly : So there's no way.

• Bud : I didn't have anything to do with this, I was out with a girl!

  Kelly : And do you really think they're going to believe that?

• Maray the Couch Maker : My name is Maray, Maray!

  Kelly : How do you spell that?

  Maray the Couch Maker : M-A-R-*Y*.

  Kelly : Okay, how do you spell "Mary"?

  Maray the Couch Maker : M-*A*-R-Y.

• Jefferson : This may come as a surprise to you, but your couch wasn't exactly a popular item.

  Bud : How many were made? 1,000? 500?

  Jefferson : Two.

  Kelly : How many did they sell?

  Jefferson : One.

  Kelly : Great. Then all we have to do is find the one they sold. How hard could that be?

  Bud : [Giving Kelly a look]  Boy when your looks go, you're dead. You're dead.

• Bud : [the couch has been torched]  If we're going to get a new couch, we need a picture of the old one.

  Kelly : Good idea. You're a genius.

  [takes a picture of the torched couch] 

  Kelly : Now what?

  Bud : Now we send this to Ripley's, along with your picture... I meant a picture BEFORE the fire!

• Kelly : Oh please let this be easy. Please, please, please.

  Jefferson : This is not going to be easy.

• Gunther : So, wanna fool around on the couch?

  Kelly : Relax, we've got hours. Bud really thinks I'm shooting a commercial.

  Gunther : What a Mormon.

• Kelly : [the couch has been torched]  If Mom finds out about this, it could kill her.

  Bud : Kel, don't you think you're exaggerating just a little?

  Kelly : [the phone rings; Kelly answers]  Hello?

  Peggy : Is my couch okay?

  Kelly : Your couch? Why yes, it's fine. It's lovely. Why do you ask?

  Peggy : Well the funniest thing happened: for no reason, my rear end suddenly got warm.

• Kelly Bundy : It's perfect! It's perfect! Even down to the stains.

  Mary : Made 'em myself.

  Kelly Bundy : How much?

  Mary : Don't insult me with money.

  Kelly Bundy : Well, how can I insult you?

• Kelly : You see, Budrick, these kids look at me as the Verminator, and all they see is glamor and bright lights and deadly poison, but I'm more than just a sexy chick who kills bugs. I'm a role model. So I volunteered to shoot a public service announcement in the house to encourage them to read.

  Bud : [incredulously]  But, Kel, you can't read.

  Kelly : Yeah, well, you can't score, but you still have a bed. Anyway, I just thought that it was time I gave something back to the community.

  Bud : Well, judging by the lines at the free clinic, you already have.

  Kelly : You know, that's the sort of crack that would have made the old Kelly call you a 'rubber-loving Barbie thumper.'

• Bud : I can't believe you burnt down Mom's couch.

  Kelly : [defensively]  Well, I can't believe you bought that stupid 'concern for illiteracy' crap. I mean, if you had doubted me the way you were supposed to, this never would have happened.

  Bud : Nice try, pyro-nymph.

  Kelly : Bud, you've got to help me.

  Bud : Oh sure, if you don't mind a life of servitude and degradation, I hear Saudi-Arabia needs blondes

  [grins] 

  Bud : .

• Maray the Couch Maker : [gruffly]  You from the escort service I called back in '79?

  Kelly : No, I'm here to see a man about a couch.

  Maray the Couch Maker : Well, come on in. But if the escort babe shows up, you're gonna have to leave. Besides, I don't know where you got the idea that I have a couch.

  [Kelly stands regarding a menagerie of couches] 

  Maray the Couch Maker : You want a couch, you go to a mall. You want a chair, you go to a mall. You wanna see teenage girls ride up and down escalators wearing very short skirts, you go to a mall. But, you wanna eat fried squirrel off a dirt floor, you come here. Can I get you anything?