Married... with Children (TV Series)

T*R*A*S*H (1997)

Ed O'Neill: Al Bundy

Photos 

Quotes 

• Griff : Well Al, I think it's time we hit the hay.

  Al : Go to sleep? It's only nine o'clock. What are you? Old?

  Griff : Yeah.

  Al : [beat]  Me too.

• Griff : Oww! This bunk mattress is hard, and this pillow is all lumpy.

  Al : At least it doesn't have red hair and begs for sex.

• Kelly : Oh, no, Daddy's going away again? Now, this time he's joined the Post Office.

  Al : Don't worry, pumpkin, Daddy's not going to any place as dangerous as that.

  Bud : Kel, I thought you of all people would recognize a man in a military uniform.

  Kelly : This is what they look like ON? Oh my God. That's so cute.

  Al : Honey, you shouldn't say things like that to Daddy after he's just been trained to use a gun.

• Griff : Al, if I don't make it, would you look up my ex-wife and...

  Al : Tell her that you love her?

  Griff : No. Tell her she's a bitch!

• Drill Instructor : Am I disturbing you, private?

  Al : It's Al Bundy.

  Drill Instructor : Al Bundy, "sir"!

  Al : Well... nobody's called me sir in a long, long time.

  Drill Instructor : [shouting]  How about moron? They've called you that haven't they?

  Al : Sir, yes, sir!

  Drill Instructor : Al Bundy, ladies shoe salesman. Well, High Heels, you're in the reserve now. You're not in some candy-ass mall.

  Al : You haven't seen my customers. Every day it's the battle of the bulge, sir!

  Drill Instructor : Drop and give me 50, mall scum!

  Al : I don't have a 50-dollar bill. All I got is this five.