- Bud: Dad, why are you dressed like that?
- [Al is wearing a T-shirt that says "I'm with Andy"]
- Al: Little Andy Maynard is having his birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese. He is going to have pizza!
- [Al wraps present]
- Al: Of course there is nothing in the box, but when they realize that, I will be full and gone!
- Miss McGowen: Class dismissed... except for you Mr. Bundy.
- Bud: [thinking] What could this be? I hope she didn't notice me staring obsessively at her legs.
- Miss McGowen: Mr. Bundy, I've noticed you during class staring obsessively at my legs
- Bud: [thinking] Well, at least she didn't catch me looking at other things.
- Miss McGowen: ...and other things
- Kelly Bundy: [on phone] Hello, Reverend Fletcher? Has Hell frozen over? Well, something's up. My brother Bud has a date!... Yes, Bud!... Okay, yes, church is the place to be at times like this. Okay, I'll be right down. It's the building with the big T on the roof, right?
- [runs out the front door]
- Bud: Dad, I've been seeing two women at once and it's wearing me out. I don't know how to juggle two women. Did you ever have this problem?
- Al: You're talking to Old #33 here! Do you know how I got that number?
- Bud: 'Cause the most money you've ever had was 33 cents?
- Al: No! Because that's how many women deep the line was to ride the wild Bundy.
- Bud: [thinking] Two, two, two babes at once. God, I envy me!
- Student: Hey, did you guys hear the news, Miss McGowan's dating a student!
- Student: She ran off with a football player.
- Student: Yeah. She said he was the only one who could ever satisfy her.
- Bud: [thinking] No big thing, that leaves me more time to give to the younger babe.
- [Darlene pulls away from Bud]
- Bud: Good news babe, now you've got me all to yourself.
- Darlene: Drop dead! If you can't satisfy an older woman like Miss McGowan, what the hell would I want with you?
- Bud: Well, let's just see how you feel when the new teacher gets here. I haven't seen a temp that didn't need a little lovin'
- Mrs. A. Mariner: [an ugly old woman appears] I'm Mrs. A. Mariner and I'll be the new teacher for the rest of the semester.
- [Mrs. Mariner sees Bud and pinches his cheek]
- Bud: [thinking] and then again, there's always Chuck E. Cheese with Dad. Well, great thing about being at the bottom is you can't fall any lower.
- Al Bundy: [Al appears] You cradle robber! You Cher!
- Al Bundy: You can't just take my son, have your way sexually with him, and not expect some repercussions from a concerned parent.I played high school football, I know the score. Son, are you really going out with with this pruneface?
- Al Bundy: I'm afraid it may not be you she's after. I'm afraid she might be after the vast Bundy fortune. She wants everything we have.
- Bud: Dad, I've seen the trunk of her car, she's got everything we have.
- Al Bundy: It's still not right. Son, you got plenty of time to date 40-year-old women when you're 70, no wait, make that uh hmmm 35 when you're 80, yeah feels more right to me.
- Peggy: Can someone get me some water?
- Al Bundy: You know where the kitchen is... or maybe you don't.
- [Al chuckles]
- Kelly Bundy: Daddy, she is sick, she needs help.
- [Kelly stands up]
- Kelly Bundy: Mom, the kitchen's over there somewhere.