- Al Bundy: When I came here tonight, I thought I was bald. Looking at you guys, I realized 2 things: 1. I really miss shooting pool; and 2. I'm not bald, Steve's not bald, you guys are bald. Really bald. 100-watt soft white bald.
- Steve Rhoades: I came down to get some Minoxidil, but you need a prescription. All I could get over the counter is this stuff, Dr. Fur.
- Al Bundy: Let me see your head.
- [examines the back of Steve's head]
- Al Bundy: Ah.
- Steve Rhoades: You see something, Al?
- Al Bundy: My reflection.
- Al Bundy: Insta Hair?
- Steve Rhoades: You betcha. You use this slime twice a day and in 2 weeks, Sasquatch city.