Married... with Children (TV Series)
The Chicago Wine Party (1992)
Ed O'Neill: Al Bundy
Photos
Quotes
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Activist #1 : Hey, mister, sign this petition and save the trees.
Al Bundy : Who cares?
Activist #2 : Hey, mister, sign this petition to save the world from nuclear holocaust.
Al Bundy : Who cares?
[a man named Doug mans another table]
Doug : Hey, mister, they're gonna raise our beer tax two cents.
Al Bundy : Oh, my God! Well, this has to be stopped!
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Al Bundy : Tell you the truth, I'm never voting again. Like marriage, no matter who you choose it turns out bad. Unless you're rich. They get everything they want. Well, fine. Let them have their birds and their air and their... Even their presidents. But we cared about beer, and they took it away from us. Yeah, sure, what do they care if a man who sells shoes or fixes cars or totes that barge or spears that doody in the park has to use his whole paycheck to buy one beer? What do they care? They're at their outdoor restaurants eating their little pizzas and drinking some fine wine in a no-smoking section with their sexy, skinny second wives while we're breeding with peasant stock. No offence, Peg. One thing I know, we're never going to win through the system. Voting has never been the American way. We didn't get away from that pansy country England by voting. We did it by throwing their stinking tea in our American harbor. And why? Because Americans don't like tea. We like coffee. And Americans don't like wine. We like beer. Ice cold. Ice cold, best in a bottle, but fine anyway you can get it, belching, burping, wake-up-in-a-pool-of-it beer. So let's show 'em how a beer man votes. Let's get blitzed and take it to the streets. Let's strike a blow anywhere they dine alfresco, anywhere they eat Brie cheese and anywhere they wear their pants up high around their waist in the European way. The only thing that Americans understand is mindless Tom and Jerry cartoon-like violence. So let's go kick some elite butt. Give me beer or give me death!
[a now-very large croud around Al cheers]
Al Bundy : Or both.
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Marcy D'Arcy : All right... well, would you consider the plight of the speckled songbird? To preserve its melodious tone, we must protect this area from further development.
Al Bundy : So those little bastards can sit outside my window and sing all night and I don't get no sleep?
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[last lines]
Al Bundy : Read my lips: Don't tax beer.
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Al Bundy : [drunk] Family, did you know that along with an election coming up, there's something big going on? They're trying to sneak by a two cent beer tax. Two cents! And what really gets to me is that the money that they're gonna raise, is gonna go for education! Well, I'll be damned if I'm paying two cents for some moron to learn how to read! I mean, where's it gonna end? I mean, pretty soon they'll be taxing... income!
Marcy D'Arcy : Well, Al, it's nice to see you care about something besides wondering whose back is hairier, yours or your dog's.
Al Bundy : Or whose chest is hairier, mine or yours.
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Al Bundy : Come on, Marcy, you above all people should be concerned about this tax. I mean, after looking at yourself in the mirror all day, you MUST drink.
[laughs]
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Al Bundy : Voters coming through. Make way, make way. Voters coming through. Family, breathe the democracy.
[they all take a deep breath and sigh, satisfied]
Al Bundy : This is where it all happens. Yes, in a dry cleaner like this, they elected Washington and Lincoln. And...
[turns around at a round table where an old volunteer sits]
Al Bundy : At a round table, where this volunteer sits, they signed the Declaration of Independence. And from the looks of her, she was probably there to see it. Peg, get a picture of me and Betsy Ross here.
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Al Bundy : Let's pillage.
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Storekeeper Jim : Hey, Bundy, car broken down again? Nobody will give you a ride, huh? Ha, ha.
Al Bundy : Maybe I should have called your wife. She always gives everybody a ride!
