- Kelly Bundy: Hey, Bud, before you go, do us a favor and say, "I'm drinking milk, and one day I'm gonna be big and strong!"
- [all the girls laugh]
- Bud Bundy: Funny, Kel. Oh, I almost forgot, there were a few messages for you. Let's see... Dan Peterson called. He said that tomorrow night behind the 7-11 would be fine.
- Kelly Bundy: [quickly] Uh, Bud, I don't think we need to hear that now...
- Lauren: Dan Peterson? That's my boyfriend!
- Bud Bundy: [innocently] Oh, is he? Well, Kelly thinks he's hers. Now let's see... Greg Barnett called, too. You have a date with him on Tuesday. Oh, and "wear something tight."
- Tasha: Wait a minute! I'm dating Greg.
- Bud Bundy: [innocently] Uh-oh. Well, let's see... whose boyfriend is Bobby Brocatto?
- Karen, Charlene: [together] Mine.
- Bud Bundy: Uh-oh. Well, you guys have a lot to talk about. Good night.
- [Bud exits]
- Tasha: You're seeing my Greg?
- Lauren: And Dan?
- Kelly Bundy: Well... I wasn't going to keep them.
- Lauren: Sow!
- Tasha: Trollop!
- Lauren: Tramp!
- Tasha: Slut!
- Lauren: Bundy!
- [with that, Kelly hauls off and punches Lauren. A huge catfight begins as Lauren and Tasha gang up on Kelly, hitting, scratching and slapping her, and Karen and Charlene begin punching and slapping each other. Bud re-appears at the top of the stairs and starts taking pictures of the girls' catfight with a mini-camera]
- Bud Bundy: Yum yum, gimme some!
- Marcy Rhoades: [Waking up] I had a dream, that I was Dorothy in "The Wizard of Oz." Peggy, you were the good witch. Al, you were looking for a brain.
- [Bud crashes Kelly's slumber party dressed like Hugh Hefner]
- Bud Bundy: Good eeeevning, ladies. Just a little reminder. When you get tired of the endless drone of girlish chatter, step up to pleasure. Step up to 'Club Bud'.
- [last lines]
- Bud Bundy: Where are you guys going?
- Al Bundy: We're gonna sleep outside in the hole, Bud.
- [Peggy and Al open the front door to find pouring rain]
- Peggy Bundy: Oh, Al, it's raining.
- Al Bundy: Good. I'll sleep with my mouth open. Maybe I'll drown.
- Kelly Bundy: You promised that I could have another pajama party. It's right here in black and white. You signed it when I was eight. "Absolutely no parties involving pajamas, music, or shaving Daddy's head while he sleeps until you're 16. Signed, your father, God help me, Al Bundy.
- Al Bundy: You can't hold me to that. I thought I'd be dead by now.
- Peggy Bundy: You know, I do plenty around here. Who do you think put that bulls-eye on the toilet for you?
- Al Bundy: Peg, I don't want to go to your mother's. I see how she looks at me, like I was between two pieces of bread. We all know what happened to her dog.
- Peggy Bundy: They never proved that.
- [Kelly's friends enter, talking to each other, then stopped after noticing Steve and Marcy]
- Lauren: Gee, Kel, who are the old people?
- Tasha: Is this your mom and dad?
- Kelly Bundy: Oh, God, no. No, these are just the neighbors. They live in the empty lot next door.
- Tasha: They look dirty.
- Girls: Ewww!
- [Peggy and Al hear a car pull up]
- Peggy Bundy: [looks out the door window] It's Steve and Marcy. They're home early. Oh, I just know they're gonna be in a foul mood. I hope they're not gonna come over here.
- Al Bundy: Well, what are they doing?
- Peggy Bundy: Well, they're looking at their hole. Now they're looking at our house. Now their hole. Now our house. Yep, I knew it. Here they come. I just know they're going to blame us.
- [the doorbell rings]
- Al Bundy: Who is it?
- Steve Rhoades: Open up in there!
- Al Bundy: Oh, hey, Steve. Ha ha. I'd love to talk to you, but I know you're all tired out from your trip and all, so why don't you just turn in, and we'll chat tomorrow? Nighty-night.
- [Steve pounds on the door]
- Al Bundy: Who is it?
- [Steve pounds harder on the door, Al opens it]
- Al Bundy: Hey, Steve. Now, that's rude. A man's home is his castle.
- Steve Rhoades: Well, mine is a moat, Al.
- Al Bundy: How you doin' Peg? You know, we're gonna have to get you a little motor for that couch, then you can you know, putter around the living room during commercials.