Married... with Children (TV Series)

The Mystery of Skull Island (1992)

Ed O'Neill: Al Bundy

Photos 

Quotes 

• [playing a board game, Al has to tell what he cares about] 

  Al Bundy : I Care, by Al Bundy. When hooters jiggle around and I find nickels on the ground, I care. When a Mustang engine purrs and the bathroom is not hers, I care. When the pitcher's on the mound and the wife is underground, I care. But when I've been playing this for days, I will kill anyone who stays. I SWEAR!

• Al Bundy : Uh, pumpkin, um, before you go out in the neighborhood and spread this all around, can I ask you something? What's it like to have a life?

  Kelly Bundy : Well, people think that being young and beautiful is exciting and everything, but actually it's pretty boring. I mean, take today for example. There I am at the mall and this guy, some geezer rock star, steps on my foot. You know, that Springsteen guy.

  Al Bundy : The Boss?

  Kelly Bundy : Well, I don't think so, Daddy. His wife seemed to be the one in charge.

• Al Bundy : Middle-aged woman comes into the shoe store. She's wearing a blossom hat, you know, the "I'm just a cute young girl of 45" look, and she's looking for something cool to wear to a Crosby, Stills, & Nash reunion concert. So I suggest a nice recyclable paper bag to put over her face, you know, so she can save the planet two ways. So she maces me. But as I lash out blindly, I think I clipped her a good one in the teeth. So, from now on it looks like she'll be gumming the words to "Teach your children"

• Bud Bundy : I'm totally done with women.

  Al Bundy : What? What, did you get married?

• Al Bundy : Death can't be this busy.

• Peggy Bundy : Now it's my turn.

  [Peggy spins the wheel] 

  Al Bundy : Oh, please don't let her land on Sexual Intimacy.

  Peggy Bundy : Sexual Intimacy! Ha ha ha ha ha! Okay.

  [reads her card] 

  Peggy Bundy : "If your lover suddenly was unable to perform anymore... and was a shoe salesman... and named Al..."

  Al Bundy : [takes the card]  Oh, come... give me this now. It couldn't possibly say that.

  [reads the card] 

  Al Bundy : Oh, my God, it does!

• Al Bundy : [to Kelly, after Bud leaves]  Ha ha ha ha ha! You know what? For a million dollars, I'd never jump out of an airplane.

  Peggy Bundy : Al, you landed on Kiss the Neighbor.

  [Al looks to the camera. Later, he's on an airplane and approaches Biff with his parachute] 

  Biff : Don't you want your last-minute instructions?

  Al Bundy : Ha ha ha ha ha!

  [Al jumps right out of the plane, leaving Biff baffled]