Married... with Children (TV Series)

The Stepford Peg (1997)

Ed O'Neill: Al Bundy

Photos 

Quotes 

• Peggy : Am I in Hell?

  Al : No, Peg, if you were in Hell then you'd be sitting on a throne and the devil would be packing.

• Kelly : Hey, Daddy? You, ah, you might not remember this,

  [sits on the chair] 

  Kelly : but before your accident, you promised me a new car.

  Al : Pumpkin, you may not remember this, but MOMMY is the vegetable in the family.

  Kelly : Oh. Oh, right. DUH.

  Al : Well, the other one.

• Kelly : Mom's cooking? I'm going to call the doctor.

  Al : [Raises a hand to stop Kelly]  Touch that phone, I'll kill ya.

• Al : Kids, now that we've retrained Mommy, I've come up with a plan that will maximise her productivity. There are three of us. And Mommy can only work 24 hours a day.

  Kelly : Why?

  Al : [Ignoring her; to Bud]  There are two of us.

• Jefferson : OK, Al. I'm here.

  [sniffing the air] 

  Jefferson : Hey, hey. Do I smell... food?

  Al : [walking over to him]  Jefferson, my man, I've got more food stuck in my teeth than my colon's seen in many a year.

  Jefferson : Thanks for sharing that, Al.

  Al : Oh, I'm not sharing it.

• Al : Peg, you know I'm not one to beat around the bush, unless, of course, you're in it. So I'll make this fast.

  Peggy : Like you know any other way.