- Kelly: What's the big deal? Lots of attractive starlets go out with younger guys. To name a few: Cher... Madonna... Liberace...
- Robby Bennett: The Bennett family motto is "we see it, we want it, we get it."
- Kelly: Well, the Bundy family motto is "it sees us, insults us, we kick its ass."
- Robby Bennett: Do you know who my dad is?
- Kelly: Sure, your father.
- Kelly: As the Chinese philosopher Unconscious once said: "It is better to have loved and lost, than to have never seen 'Lost in Space' at all."
- Kelly: Bud, you've got to help me!
- Bud Bundy: Hey, I would like to, but you fired me. And I only took this gig to make ends meet.
- Kelly: OK, OK, your un-fired. Now just get me out of this. Play something fast.
- Bud Bundy: OK, but I want 80 percent and... and I want a photo of you and Robby together.
- Kelly: Why?
- Bud Bundy: In case someday I want 90 percent.
- Kelly: Guess what my secret admirer brought for me today. Twelve long-stemmed roses.
- Peggy: Al, how come you never send me roses?
- Al: I don't like you, Peg.
- Kelly: Anyway, Mom, I was at my audition for Easy-Off jeans. You know, the jeans so tight that you're the only one who knows you're wearing pants? Now this is a *nationwide* commercial. I mean, all thirteen colonies. And actually, I was really nervous. Then all of a sudden the delivery guy brings me these flowers.
- Kelly: [as her date arrives, time to meet her secret admirer] I've never been this nervous. I'm on the edge of my feet!
- Kelly: Look, Bud, I'm a woman. And we felines have a way of picking the right guy. That's why nobody's picked you.
- Kelly: [to Bud, who admits to having stalked] Budkenstein, first of all, following your hand to the bed is not a considered stalking.