- Neighbor: [off-screen] Hey, Bundy! I'm having steak tonight. What are you having? Ha, ha, ha!
- Al Bundy: If I was the mailman, I'd be having your wife!
- Marcy Rhoades: I love to go to the dentist. A man in white, hovering over me while I'm trapped helpless in a chair. He cleans me, he flosses me, his instruments alive in my mouth. And just when I think I can't take any more, he says "Good girl, Marcy, you can spit now."
- Peggy Bundy: Al, I want to go to the dentist.
- Marcy Rhoades: Well you should. Everyone should see their dentist at least twice a month... I mean year.
- Al Bundy: Kids, I'm glad you're here. We're going to have a poll.
- Kelly Bundy: Just where are we going to put a pole?
- Bud Bundy: In your head to hold the "duh" sign.
- Kelly Bundy: That's great. You won't let me get a nose ring, but you want to put a pole in my head?
- Al Bundy: [Looking at Peggy] Peg, are you sure you didn't have a one-night stand with Abbott and Costello?
- Al Bundy: [Looking back at the kids] Now we're going to have a vote.
- Kelly Bundy: I thought we were going to have a po-
- [Al covers her mouth]