- Roy Jones Jr.: Excuse me, aren't you Bruce Jenner?.
- Marcy D'Arcy: No I am not.
- Roy Jones Jr.: Are you sure?.
- Marcy D'Arcy: Don't make me knock you out.
- Griff: I'm Griff X.
- Calvin Farquhar: X? Are you Muslim as in the civil rights leader Malcolm X?
- Griff: No, I'm divorced as in screwed over by the Ex.
- Al: You're a superbowl hero! Even though that bum O'Donnell threw those two passes right to you.
- Larry Brown: Hey, I know that, and you know that, but Disneyland and the Raiders don't.
- Al Bundy: Hey! You're Flint Guccione, publisher of Big 'Uns magazine.
- Flint Guccione: Right you are. Who would have thought that an instamatic, drunken family reunion, and 50 bucks could start an empire?
- Barney: [on TV, singing] Oh, we love Griff, Griff loves us...
- [Al turns the TV off]
- Al Bundy: That's not fair. That should be me hugging that big purple idiot!